MarkNeil, i don't know you, but i second MarkinIdaho's encouragment to stop digging. You've extended kindness and help to me and to others on this forum. That matters. You matter. We all do.

two quotes/images have been helpful, in my semidark days when reason is still circling in reach:

from my sister: "The tide will not stay out forever." Having faith I'll recover fully in time to save what's important to me has been a struggle. But PCS is something you cannot strive to fix, just as striving will not make that tide reach you on the beach any sooner. The more patience & faith i bring to the waiting, the easier the process will be, and who knows, maybe it will be quicker.

"You will face many defeats but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from. how you can still come out of it." Maya Angelou

My comment about Stop Digging was not aimed at anyone in particular. Many ask for help with an issue but after receiving reassurances about that issue, continue to be anxious. Even our injured minds are highly capable of sound thought and reason. We need to make sound choices in our thoughts. Otherwise, we will continue to spin in miserable circles.

my life has been hard since I was 14 as it has been for many people. I have sabotaged myself a number of times in life just when things are getting very good. It is what it is and at this point I'd rather enjoy one of the few things I do enjoy which is bad food than give it up and live to 80 in this condition. It is a decision I can live with. I sincerely appreciate your concern.

In a word, BADLY. lol

On dark days (like this one), I can be a real troll to those around me. In those moments, I do better if I'm left alone to regroup, without having to exert the energy required to play "normal."

When all is said and done, I keep going for the sake of my child. Without that external motivation, I don't know what I'd do.

hockey you under stand. Putting aside all the stuff about how every life is important etc etc. I am 46 way over 300 pounds no kids no money in constant pain etc etc. I enjoy eating unhealthy food it is one of the few things I have left since I can barely get out of the house due to the issue. I rather enjoy it for another 2 years then live like this for another 30. I have no kids and family thinks I'm nuts anyway and friends disappearI have my food and my cat and I won't give them up for anybody lol and I have the word game lol

I hear you.

My husband is a health nut/hypochondriac and is always trying to get me to take bizarre supplements and eat revolting stuff, so I can live to 90. Insensitive clod!

Why on earth would he think I'd want to live with increasing levels of pain and limitation for decades? I just want to last until I launch my child off into the world. After that, I hope I'm allowed to check out quickly.

So, stick the sticky, fermented Japanese bean curd, and pass the Coco Pops. Yes, I realize that this is sort of a form of self-loathing and passive suicide. However, I'm not super cripple, and all that gets me through what I need to get through for my growing child is the knowledge that, one way or another, this will end.

I have done my mommy duty, in trying circumstances. When my eternal rest comes, I will have earned it.

hockey only your post could get me to laugh after me writing one of the most depressing post on this board in history an hour ago lol. You understand what I think so well and the tragic comical rony of the situation is not lost on you. You are so funny when you talk about the foods your husband wants you to eat and yet you get it. You get it.

Yeah, but still part of me wonders if we wouldn't feel better if we could feel in control over that aspect of our lives. Maybe we could become healthy eating buddies. Every time I wanted a twinkie (although I've never actually had one), I could PM you and you could talk me out of it - and vice versa. Maybe we should start a PCS/TBI weight watchers group. If we fail, we can just swap recipes.

I hate to see you give up. You're seeing a new neurologist and you might get answers. If I was just battling the TBI, it wouldn't be quite so bad. My prognosis is not good, because of the spinal stuff, and I dread the idea of being a burden to my kid. Like she hasn't endured enough, already.

when you have a kid it is a totally different world. I desperately wanted to understand it but it didn't happen oh well. I can be much more nonchalant about my life because I don't have a kid.I also have two brutal acquired brain injuries and along with those two injuries, symptoms that concussion people don't get that aare horrifying in their own right. I wont tell you them because some of the symptoms are disgusting and some of them are personal. But they suck lol you must fight for your kid. Me I'm going to have another hot dog lol
you are the best

As a general observation, I find that people with spiritual belief, like yourself, seem to cope better with TBI. Do you feel that your religious convictions play an important role? Faith, alas, is a gift - and I do not have it.