Mark,

Depression did predate the attack, but was not predated before the first one. it started after I was beaten in 2012. It has spiraled out of control though. Its come harder and worse, which was why I went from prozac to the viibryd and the seroquel. They're stronger medications. I have only been on the viibryd since february or march. and the seroquel since may. I had to change and up dosages because suicidal ideations, self harm and other stuff. My therapist is just that. A therapist. I talk to her because no one else needs to be burdened with all the stuff going on inside. My FNP here prescribed the ADs.

I just sit here and wonder. People who have only seen me since the incidents, they think I am some hateful person. I used to be a good person. I had so many things I wanted to do. But now... I can't remember anything and feel like a 100 year old lady with alzheimer's. crazy, right?

I understand your frustration. When ones mind start misbehaving, it can be very troubling. Do you have access to a medical doctor, maybe a neuro-psychiatrist ? A FNP is stretching to be effective with your struggles.

I had a bad time almost 2 years ago after a severe trauma. I was put on Celexa and Zyprexa. It was a lifesaver. I went off the Zyprexa after 2 months and the Celexa after 8 months. I am now taking 100 mgs of 5-HTP and 200 mgs of L-Theanine every morning. Plus, I need the 2500 mcgs of B-12 I take daily.

I understand your struggles. I have been assaulted resulting in a personality change. I have endured other traumas resulting in PTSD. Add some PCS and the walls come crashing down.

Do you have family nearby ?

My immediate family lives 2 hours away. I don't get to go there. They choose not to come here. It sucks. I face time and skype with them as I can. I try to text and talk as often as I can. My best friend has her own struggles so I just don't want to bother her. I don't have any friends up here. All I do is clean, cook, and help build our house. It's a lot to do. I want to work again, but right now... it's not looking like I am safe to. And by safe, I mean I don't want to have my PTSD/PCS ruin my reputation any further than it already has.

Have another week to wait to see physiatrist, and my therapist. Seems like a year from now. I want to be back to my normal. Not this. Its stretching my relationship with my longterm boyfriend. Its stretching all my relationships with friends. Its ruining my life. I feel like I won't be able to be good again. I don't always want to worry about depression, suicidal issues, anxiety. Everything. Just hope it gets better. I cant do this. I can't afford to be this way. No money in means no money paying bills. Frustration.

Same here- PCS since Oct2014.

Have been trying to keep the disruption to a minimum ~ not easy!