Hunter, I am SO sorry you are having to deal with so many difficult things! I agree with what others have said here. Thoughts of suicide are understandable, but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and would deeply hurt your family and friends. Keep trying to find answers and solutions. Not all medications are addictive. Make sure your doctors know your concerns about that, but don't be afraid to take meds that will help you. Kids your age may not have much understanding about what you are going through. Find people who do, like the people here. I hope you find some treatments that help soon -keep trying!