Originally Posted by waves

hi again...

i wish i could have said things without even upsetting you that little bit. i did the best i could but i was afraid of that all the same. i thought about not posting but i did my best and hoped the good would outweigh the bad. ... i'm sorry for upsetting you. anyway, thank you for the feedback and i am glad what i said was useful to some extent.

i have felt like i was waging a battle with my T before. LOL. Maybe you should ask her what it was like to be raised in Egypt... perhaps she will ask why you ask LOL that would be a typical therapist response ... but even so, she might answer you, and it could be interesting provide insights... i have sometimes asked personal questions before, to know "where the T is coming from" ... i don't mean geographically lol but cultural aspects can certainly have an impact!

I want to say, THE FACT you are walking around the block is itself REALLY REALLY GOOD. It will take time sure but you will get stronger. And when you get physically stronger and you WILL be able to walk MORE than that. it takes time to build that up - but it will happen.

And I agree about excessive showering being bad for the skin - frequency depends very much on the climate and degree of physical activity and type of skin you have. I recall you have sensitive skin. This is where "regularity" i think is a better (i hate to use the word) "rule" than "every day." And even then, you build up from where you cannot do, to doing a little, then a little more... the old baby steps thing.

one thing you can point out to your therapist is that you ARE working on the hygiene thing - by taking the walks, because showering is exhausting and you are still in the "acquire stamina" stage. And assert that in any case, you get to decide your "ideal frequency" in terms of your skin, etc - not her. That can apply to clothing too especially if you do not move around much, do not sweat much, and have multiple layers.

as for the authority thing. well, i get that too. yesterday my dad walked into the kitchen and asked my mom about something being done or what. and i was like i'd hate to have him for a boss. i doubt i'd last a full day before he fired me for incompetence or i quit out of anger. Because THE number one way to block me is to BREATHE DOWN MY NECK about something, set up artificial RULES and keep reminding me of them and of deadliens. did i mention i didn't like that word? it's not overall rules i so much dislike, it's when people try to shove them in my face.

if you feel like she is shoving stuff in your face, she needs to hear that from you, and she needs to know about the authority/rebellion thing. if you already told her - tell her again.

one last thing. when i have felt really really upset with my pdoc/T, i have on occasion taken breaks - disclosed or undisclosed (sulks). i don't know if you have a frequency obligation for visits with her for seeing Dr. M. also it depends on how the anger is... the flipside is when too much time passes, the confrontation may not be as effective because the emotional charge is not there, and that is part of the message in therapy too.

and i know what you mean about not having money to spend to go out and do stuff... anything... every little thing costs money anyway. i don't even contact old coworkers or former friendly acquaintances i'd like to see, because most would be available at night - and it is unsafe for me to come home with public trans, and i can't do the cab fare any more. not even once in a while. i live too far out of the city.

i have been very passive for several years now and it makes me feel desperate. the walks will help with that too. they really will. walking helps your brain chemicals. and you can only do what you can do - good job, and keep doing it. it will increase. (and most likely you will start losing weight after a while, too!)

love
~ waves ~

p.s. believe it or not the last confrontation with my therapist involved positive reinforcement/pressure. i got angry but also very hurt/upset and had to take a break. but we sorted it out. he listened. i hope your therapist listens to you. GOOD LUCK with this.

Originally Posted by bizi

Taking a shower everyday requires a change in habits, creating a routine.
I thrive on routines and have never gotten in the habit of showering everyday.
In fact I have to force myself to shower.
I don't know what it is that I resist...for one it is the effort that is involved, I consider it a luxury using up all of the hot water, have long hair that takes time to wash and then dry, self care items....
I wish I could jump in the shower and take a quick shower, some people can jump in there and spend 5 minutes. It takes a long time for me.
In fantasy land, If I could get up in the mornings then I could take a quick shower and get ready, hair all fixed nicely....but I am not normal.
I don't know....I sympathize with you...maybe you could do a trial run...say that I will take a shower in the evening for one week and see how I feel.
Maybe I could do this myself.....
bizi
they say it takes 3 weeks to make a habit.....
I am not motivated to change I guess.....

Originally Posted by Mari

Dear Bobby,


Of course he thinks it is a good idea. It works for him.




I think she pushed some buttons for you.
This is what you get to talk to her about.
Discuss these exact authority issues with her.
Let her do some work instead of spouting stuff that works with 90% of her other patients.

I like firemen too. They "get" it. They are extremely responsible and and follow rules and regulations. Yet they are cowboys in that they can't really take direction. -- at least that is my impression.
Would that work for you? . . . . talking about how you tested and so on? Maybe if she had that info about how you see yourself, she can be more useful to you.

M.

Originally Posted by Mari

Dear Bobby,
I don't have pets and never had.
When I was a child we had some outside cats and dogs that I was close to.


Yes. He wants to help you.
I've seen the studies that having a dog can add years to people's lives by virtue of helping them stay on a schedule.

It could be a very good idea for you.
But you know if you are up to it or not.

You could get an animal who is very healthy and has a strong disposition.

But I can see your concerns because I don't want to deal with that. It would be heart breaking for me. My sis has two rescue dogs. They both get allergies. One is a little worse off -- needing bathing with special soap, twice daily doggy Benadryl, and and so on.




Yes, I understand your frustration about dream analysis.
But I don't think that many of them do this.
You could analyze your own dreams by first recording them.
If that is something that helps you, then focus on your dreams.


You do have direction. Loosing weight and walking are very good things.
Ask your tdoc to give you guidance with that. She will help you.
You have to see her anyway. Tell her what you need from her.
These are good because they come from strong desires of your own (not imposed by her.)
I'm glad that you are walking. Do you feel better after you have walked?


Regarding teachable moments:
I think that 90-95% of the time the therapists can go by the training /expereince they have before they see you.
The other 5% of the time they need to stretch.
And we can push them to stretch so that we can benefit from the time with them.
Also, this is off topic -- but only a bit -- by teaching them how to help us, we help them to become better therapists.

M.

Originally Posted by Mari

Dear Bobby,

Occasionally we get someone who is the right person sent from the universe to help us at the particular moment for a particular set of issues. That does not seem to be the case with this therapist.

Most of the time, the people we see in our travels through the health care system are trying to do a good enough job for what they need to do. For sure she is not maliciously trying to cause you difficulty. That I am sure. She thinks that she is helping you.

( The fact that she needs a clue bat is another story -- http://www.frontiernet.net/~joe14580/clue%20bat.jpg ).

At times when I could not get a read on someone I made up their back story based on what info I did have about them. I would make up their whole story as if I were drafting an outline for a novel, including where they lunch, their relationship with their mother, how they managed in school, and so on. Later, if I did end up finding out more about them, often my game of imagination was close enough to right to have been useful. . . . I’m not suggesting that. I’m just sharing a strategy I have used.


I wonder if part of the difficulty you are having is that you want to be a little bit closer to her. You are able to connect to Dr. M., the friend who walks with you, the other patients at the clinic, your cleaning lady and her child, but not so much to the therapist. Are you frustrated by not being able to stick a pin on her? Or is it that you have defined her pretty accurately and decided that you don’t like her?

You already figured out her story and are not too happy about it I gather.


Here is an idea you already have:
You can flat out lie to her. Tell her that you have made efforts toward the bathing / changing clothes thing. This way you don’t have to be upset. Let her do her thing. Your goal is to see her every two weeks to be able to see Dr. M. You can do that. The higher purpose is Dr. M. and you can tolerate her until time that something changes (she starts to be more useful for your needs or she leaves or whatever. . . )

Make sure that some things that she says do not upset you and that you leave therapy in peace. It’s only therapy and it’s only every two weeks. You can handle one session with the woman every two weeks.

‘Concerned about you.


M.

Originally Posted by mymorgy

I really do have ambivalent feelings towards her. I sort of feel that she thinks her suggestions are the best for me and that they would really help me if i followed her advice. I think she isn't dealing with my situation. Since the market crashed and I lost most of my money, I have been sleeping about three hours a night. Before I was sleeping four or five hours a night. She doesn't get that I[ am really physically tired most of the time. She doesn't get it that I am so self critical, her suggestions are making me feel bad about myself. that is so counter productive. I will have to tell her that and emphasize that so that she gets it. I am feeling more wired now that I have reduced the dosage of risperdal. I do feel more alive but worry about becoming hypomanic on little sleep. I am getting ready to crash. That is what has been happening since i don't get enough sleep.
bobby