Kay

I like to think your husband is just worrying about you. And its a good
test on the sobriety part. I have all the faith in you doing this.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Thanks Donna :)

Bobby, you are right. He is possessive. I can understand that to a certain extent since we were separated prior to my s/s attempt. But he's also treating me somewhat like a baby, whereas he hardly lifted a finger to help me out before. I'm 35 and I have a bedtime for Christ's sake.

Kay,

It is nice to be focused on a clearly defined objective.

Doesn't every one have to relearn to drive in the snow each year ? (Joke :):):) )

----
My brother lives in one of those states that had snow on the ground for a month or more last year and I am not sure what happened exactly but he had to go to driving school in order to learn patience --- or whatever skills were prescribed for his issue.

M

wow..do you think he realized how he loved and needed you when you were separated?
bobby

I never really had a problem driving in the snow. But some people see one rain drop and they drive like (expletives) no matter how long they've lived in New England. I'm just out of practice so it makes me nervous now.

My husband worked a 15hr day yesterday and came home around 9pm in a VILE mood. He obviously couldn't sleep like that, so I stayed up with him. But I did take my night meds hoping the Seroquel would help me calm down. He apologized for flipping out later.

He mentioned he needed to take some time off of work because of all the BS. I agreed it was a good idea. Then he said he also needed to take some time off because of everything going on with me lately... I questioned that one, "You need to take time off because you had to drive me to the post office three times in two days?" He said it was also because the class was stupid and weird, he didn't like the idea that I was going, he didn't like the idea of me getting my license back, and things were moving too fast...
We didn't get into a fight. I just listened to what he had to say. I think he's resigned to the fact that I'm going to do it whether he likes it or not, but obviously he's not dealing with it well.

I'll address one very understandable concern first, but it's a mute point now:
I had trouble with intermittent double and blurry vision in my right eye for a couple of yrs. My eye doctor prescribed a pair of glasses with a blackout lens on the right side so I could drive when it happened and it worked out fine. Blah, blah, blah.. When I was going through Lithium toxicity it was happening constantly, but once I stopped taking Lithium, it stopped and I haven't had a problem since. It's yet another thing that nobody could figure out that ended up being a side effect of Lithium, even though it's a known side effect. It still ****** me off that MDs never look at meds as possible causes for medical symptoms. I'll forever be aware now because of everything Lithium did to me.

Here is the rest in a nut shell: He's afraid that if I get my license back I'm going to start going out drinking again, even though I've done very little drinking in the last 9mo since I've been home, and I've been completely sober for over 3mo. and that's very important to me. I'm sure he's also thinking about the fact that when we were separated I slept with someone else. Right now, I have zero contact with other people unless it's at a doctor's appointment or he's there with me. And he obviously likes it that way.

He doesn't like the idea of this class because I'm taking a big step in getting my license back and he knows I'll be around a lot of people (including other men) overnight and he won't be there to supervise me.

Trust me, I would much rather be at home with my husband this weekend. I don't think this is going to be a comfortable experience for me, but I'm doing it nonetheless. I asked permission to wear my wedding ring for the weekend (yes, I had to ask permission) so maybe that will make him feel a little better. Lord knows I'm not looking for any attention in that department.

Generally his concerns in the license department may not seem like an added need for a vacation, but because of his history of temper flare ups regarding his anger surrounding our separation, I guess it makes sense. At least his temper was not directed towards me last night.

I'm sure I haven't heard the last of this. I expect the closer I come to getting my license back, the more likely he is to lash out on me.

At least his back is feeling better. Or it was last night. I don't know how he felt this morning after working 15hrs. and waking up after 4-5hrs sleep.

Yuck. It keeps raining crap.

No, I think the only emotion he felt was anger.

I am sorry you are going through This

Kay,

I wish he were more helpful and supportive.

M

One day at a time

The root of most of this anger is selfishness. The young man becoming a man is ((( selfless ))).

I wish that I have arrived at this ideal, but I still have some of the young man traits, but not like I use to have. I have much more patience, and much less anger. When I'm angry, I know that I'm being immature, and selfish most of the time. Sometimes we need to blow off some steam, but not at another person who had nothing to do with the situation. This does not apply to being angry with Politicians. LOL


What is my motive for being angry? If it's centered in my desires above everyone else, it's me.

Remember to chose your battles, and don't get pulled into a verbal fight. Don't be manipulated by someone else who doesn't have your needs, and interests in mind.

Some people are into control. A controller will try to get you to do everything that they say, and if you don't, they are outraged. A person showing possessiveness, and trying to have dominion over another person is selfish. There are lots of books out there about these subjects.

Sometimes a person shows anger when in need, but is scared of communicating that need.

If you want to get a license, go for it. It is your right, and need. With out a license, you are sort of stranded, except for when you take a cab.

When I stopped drinking I lost all of my drinking friends, but not my life long friend. (((But)))that's okay. You get to know who your real friends are. Unfortunately, a lot of friends out there are fair weather friends. If I said to much please let me know. I've had life long experience, and a angry dad.


I hope that I didn't say to much about this subject. BF:hug::hug::hug:

friend your input is always valued.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

You didn't say too much BF, thank you for your post :) You were very supportive and helpful.

I called yesterday to make sure that the organization putting on the class had everything they needed from me. I'm good to go.

My husband told me last night that if I don't feel safe that I should tell someone right away... He said that some of the people there may be habitual offenders and/or have other criminal convictions and I should be careful. He said they're scumbags. I can understand that concern, but I'd hope that the organization putting on this class has some screening process in place and have enough personnel to monitor things properly. I wonder how many people will be there? But I have no problem speaking up if I feel physically uncomfortable or threatened.

I'm keeping my debit cards at home, only bringing enough cash for the soda machine (I don't know if I'll be able to get my usual coffee IV), and I'm having them lock up ALL my meds because some people will take anything trying to get high.
All my meds have to be in their original bottles but I'm only bringing enough for the weekend, as they recommended.

I made a list last night of everything I need to take with me (I'm a prolific list maker). I'll go over it again another dozen or so times before I zip up the suitcase though lol.

Class tonight is from 6-9pm.
Tomorrow may be a problem. It's a long day for me... I'll need a lot of caffeine, but I'll manage somehow: 8:30am--12pm, 1-5pm, 6-9pm.
Sunday class is from 8:30am-12pm, 1-3pm and then I get to go home.
There are breaks during the class hours.
I can smoke during breaks, but I'm going to be going through major nicotine withdrawl. I went from 1/2 pack to 2 (or more) when I went through that long stretch of hypo/mania and haven't been able to cut down. Maybe this weekend will be my opportunity to do that.

Curfew is from 11:30pm-6am. I'm sure I'll be in bed before 11:30.
We can use our cell phones, but there are currently unknown restrictions. I told my husband to make sure his ringer is on. I'm sure I'll want to talk to him as much as I can.

I had quite a bit of anxiety this morning, but the Klonopin took care of it. I'm surprised I'm not more freaked out right now knowing I'm diving into this thing in about 6hrs. I've been working on pretending my scar isn't there. And I've decided to tell anyone who asks about it that it's a long story and I don't like to talk about it. If pressed, I will say that it has nothing to do with why I'm there and it's nobody's business. Technically that is true, since I did it when I was stone cold sober.


Maintenance arrived at 8am this morning to take care of my list of grievances. Everything was done half-baked again. I can't be mad at the guy doing the work. He only does what his manager tells him he can do. I just know my husband will NOT be happy when he gets home.
Some work had to be done on the tub and shower, so I can't take a shower until 1. I'm not thrilled about that.

So in the meantime, I'll busy myself with packing what I can and getting my meds in order. My biggest worry is I won't bring the appropriate amount of medication, so I think I'll bring enough for an extra day.

This will be an adventure.

Kay.
Big Props to you for doing this!!!!
I am so proud of you for making this happen. That is a very long day. I am sure it will be grooling to make it thru the day.
I believe in you as You are a very strong woman. You will make this happen and have worked hard to do just that. Just think after this weekend you will have that part behind you. And what a relief that will be.
Take things as they come...
take pride in yourself for coming this far.
((((((HUGS)))))
thanks for taking us on your journey...and for trusting us.
bizi

Thank you so much Bizi :hug:

Kay,

You might find a low number of scum bags -- at least in terms of your expectations. Anyway, you have a good plan to keep your meds.


I would find this two or three nights (is that right?) away rather hard in part because I pack enough stuff for a cross country move.:D

I hope that everything goes well for you. :hug:
Also that is is as much "adventure" as you want -- no more and no less. :heartthrob:

Mari

Wasnt on yesterday so didn't get to say.

I admire you. And you will be fine.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Hi, Kay,

Welcome home :)

I hope that you are happy and feeling successful.

Did your husband manage ok? :)

M

I took 1mg of Klonopin at 3:30 on Friday and wasn't terribly concerned about the weekend after that, but it didn't help cover for my husband's road rage the whole 2hr drive to the facility.

The location was in a rural area and the building was in an old 1700's highly renovated bed and breakfast. When my husband saw it, he thought it looked very sketchy lol. And asked me if I was sure if I still wanted to go. I offered to have him come in to check the place out before he left me there, but he passed.

It was very comfortable inside and there were only 10 of us because it was Halloween weekend. Apparently they usually get up to 30. I was one of 3 women. I would have had a hard time moving around with 30 people there because some areas were tight and it probably would have greatly added to my anxiety. The stairs were a non-issue.

3 of the men had just gotten their 2nd DUI, one had gotten his 3rd. One young man was there because of driving while on heroin. He told (only me) that he had 6 felony convictions because of heroin, but I was not uncomfortable around him. He was very sad most of the time.

The classes were about alcohol education. I was surprised that what was presented was aimed at moderate drinking and how many drinks were safe to have before getting behind the wheel. I kinda get this because the majority of the people there are going to continue to drink, but almost nothing presented was advocating abstinence.

We had to write about our DUI's and read our stories to the class. Before I read my story, I told the them that they may have questions and they should feel free to ask them when I was done. I admitted I was bipolar and was manic at the time (I left out the s/s attempt). I admitted I was an alcoholic and the relationship between the two. I told my whole story and owned my DUI- bipolar or not. The only question that was asked was "what bizarre things did you say to the cops?" My response was, "since you are only asking that for your own amusement, it's none of your business."

After I told my story, one man told me he was also bipolar, and one of the women told me she has BPD. They both talked about how these things affected their alcohol issues, so being honest touched at least 2 people. I figured the odds were pretty good in a setting like that that at least one other person was bipolar whether they would admit it or not anyway. The same guy who asked about the bizarre comments later told me that he didn't believe in antidepressants and spewed a bunch of other nonsense. I don't bother arguing with those kind of people. I just told him he was ignorant and when he got especially rude I told him to go (expletive) himself. He didn't bring the subject up again, and surprisingly there was no residual tension.

About 2hrs were spent on the subject of denial. More time should have been spent on this subject. I'd say about 4/10 of us (myself included) actually took responsibility for our actions. The rest blamed bad luck or spewed blatant BS. Some of the stories being told while I was outside smoking were focused on drugs and drinking stories and it was clear that most of these people were in denial and didn't get it, but yes, there is such a thing as bad luck and big mistakes and I believe that it happened to 1/10 who was honest.

I am shocked as (expletive) at my behavior. I had to take less Klonopin because of the length of the classes and the MS wall (thank God they had coffee from 6am-9pm), but I wasn't at all uncomfortable being around all those people. I had no trouble speaking up in class and I spoke to EVERYONE on breaks, during meals, and after class. In my interactions with other people, I realized that they had no idea that there was anything wrong with me until I made the disclosure. Even then, they treated me no differently. I have no idea where all that courage came from...

Not one person asked about my scar, although it was being scoped out and it was probably discussed when I wasn't around. But I didn't care.

I'm proud of myself.



I have to pay $100 and get special insurance to satisfy the state of NH which will probably be tricky since I'll be carrying MA insurance because it's my home state (but it can be done) and I can get a clearance letter from NH.

Then I have to present paperwork (including the clearance letter) to MA at a reinstatement hearing at the DMV (really not a big deal) and pay $100 to try to get my license back in MA.
Unfortunately, sometimes MA will independently suspend your license for another year and you have to fight that, but the class I just took should help there. But I may have to hire a lawyer to settle that score. I'd imagine the fee wouldn't be that expensive since they would only be representing me in a DMV hearing.

No matter what, I'm one step closer to getting my license back.

WOW!!!!
You made it thru it!
you did so well standing up for yourself.
good for you!
one thing to cross off your list!
well done!
bizi

you have much courage
 

Kay,

You write beautifully.
I appreciate hearing about how it went and how you handled it.

That would be a hard class to get through -- to write out and read a personal story to a bunch of strangers, listen to their stories, actively participate, listen to what the state had to say. . . .

Continue to feel proud. :heartthrob: :heartthrob: :heartthrob:
Now you are one huge step closer to getting your license.

Mari

i am so impressed. way to go...best of luck in having no more hassles to get your license back. I hope your husband calmed down later.
bobby

I made him promise on the drive back that he would try to be calm driving home and he arrived in one piece. He was very upset because of the traffic and the fact that he had forgotten his license and wallet at home.

I called my insurance company about the special insurance yesterday and apparently the new quote has to come from a special system in the state of MA. The quote came up as twice what we pay now, not including the DUI. So, I have no idea how high my insurance is going to be, but It's going to be ridiculous.

My husband wanted me to wait until next month to get this insurance issue cleared up until next month, but that would delay my NH driving clearance by I don't know how long... and therefore my MA license restoration by a long time. I convinced him that we could do it earlier. It's the last thing I have to do to satisfy NH.

I got some way worse news yesterday, but I want to keep it to myself for now. I took an extra Klonopin... went up to 4mg... oh well... and got into bed and pulled the covers over my head for several hours to hide but couldn't sleep. I'm not depressed, it's just a situational issue and it's going to take some time before I get answers so I'll have to worry about it for a while. :(

oh kay am sorry for the way worse news.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi
thank god for klonipin.:o

My husband and I went food shopping yesterday, so I got out of the house. The weather was very nice. And after taking it easy on myself and ordering out 2 nights in a row, my husband and I had had enough heartburn and I decided to cook last night. It was nothing spectacular, but at least I got my head out of the sand for a while.

On the license front:

I called the NH DMV to pay my $100 fine yesterday and I asked about that special insurance certificate again (it's called an SR22 and it's just proof of insurance). Apparently once the NH DMV receives proof that I've taken the driving class they'll send me a special form to take to the MA DMV to get the SR22 ball rolling.

After 2 calls to the driving class people trying to figure out how long it would take for the DMV to get word I took the driving class, a lady told me that they had to email me a consent form for me to sign and mail back to them because I took my intake with a different organization and they have to be the ones to file the paperwork. This makes me nervous because any time you add an extra entity you increase your chances of (expletive) ups, and I'm sure this will delay things. Also, the people at the organization in question aren't exactly sharp as tacks. By the way, would anyone have picked up on this issue if I hadn't called?

I called the MA DMV to ask what I needed to do when I got the form re: SR22. Basically, I have to provide them with everything they would want if I was going there to get my license back...
Fortunately, I have already requested the documents I *think* I need from the court for that and can make copies when I get them, but I'll need to go to the NH DMV to get a copy of my driving record again.
I'm glad I called because I would have shown up with just the form otherwise. Nobody tells you anything. And there are no instructions anywhere. I guess that's why everyone hires a lawyer. Fortunately for me, I'm paranoid and persistent.

After MA deals with the form, I can get insurance and the SR22 certificate to satisfy NH, ending my ordeal with that state with the exception of a trip to the main DMV office.

I was so proud of myself for getting through last weekend like I did, but I don't feel any closer to getting my license back anymore if MA is going to suspend it for another year. I still feel compelled to get things done quickly though because if they suspend it, they suspend it for a year from the date you restore it.

It's double jeopardy. And because I need that SR22 for NH, I may be paying for very high priced insurance for a year even though I may be unable to drive. And I'm unwilling to accept the idea that I may be stranded for another year.

We're not flush and my husband is already upset about the cost of the insurance, so he is hating the idea of me hiring a lawyer. But if they suspend my license when I go to have it restored, I'm going to fight it.
I don't know if I should hire a lawyer for the restoration hearing (probably cheaper) or wait until they probably hit me with a year's suspension and have to appeal.

It's good to have the correct information and be prepared, but I have to somehow stop fixating on this. I'm going to have to deal with the fact that I will have to wait for some things and that there are things that are out of my control. The way things are going, I think it will be a while before I can get around to seeking my license restoration in MA anyway. Since the result of that is the most depressing part, I'm going to have to find a way to stay more in the present.

2mg Klonopin this morning.
I see pdoc at 3 today.
I want to be very careful that this doesn't turn into something situational and into something worse.

Wow kay.
yes this sounds like you don't really have control of this.
try to come up with some other project to keep your mind busy while time elapses and you are just going to have to wait.
UGH!
sounds very complicated and you are smart to keep up with it.
well done.
I hope things turn out good for you and that You don't have to wait another year to get your license.
what ever will be will be I guess.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I saw pdoc and she said my reactions are appropriate to the situations I am facing, but nonetheless things bear watching. No med changes, next appointment in a month unless something changes.

I just wanted to ice my cake a little more:

I caught something online about the driving class I just took. It turns out if they think you have a substance abuse problem, they will likely refer you to "aftercare." I out and out admitted I'm an alcoholic and I bet that didn't help. I think that's the real reason why they had me sign that consent form and are bouncing my case back to the org. where I had my intake done.

"Aftercare" usually consists of weekly appointments with substance abuse councilors and drug testing that can last weeks, even months, at your own expense. Of course all of this would happen in NH (I have no way of getting a regular ride there), and I would have to find a way to pay for it.

I could be wrong, but I think I'm pretty much screwed.

Forget about the rest of it. Lord only knows when any of those worries will be relevant.

Damn, I wish I was a liar.

I am so sorry you are going through this horrible worrying. you told them you haven't been drinking for a while now so maybe that will be a big positive.
bobby

please don't be hard on yourself.
take it a day at a time.
that is all we have to deal with.
the present.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

A lawyer might give you the room to distance yourself by handling details.


I would have finessed the truth about being an alcoholic since some rules to do not apply to people with bipolar and lay people/ lazy thinkers do not understand the complexity.
Lots of people drink as part of their bipolar -- being bipolar is something that we have absolutely no control over so we neither do we have complete control over the drinking either

It my case, the fact that I have bipolar was set generations ago (via the genetic component) and nothing I can alter.

And the only reason I have not run afoul of the law is
1) great deal of luck
2) great deal of prayer
3) staying home a lot so as not to be any in situation (I am risk averse and know that even a rare event can result in
a life altering legal or other dire circumstance.)


M

After everything has been said, and done, the government works very (((Slowly))).

Still make phone calls, and find out what you need to know, and do. BF:hug::hug::hug:

You are right Mari, some of the rules don't apply to people with bipolar disorder and drinking...

When I went to the intake interview at the first place, I tested negative for a substance abuse disorder because of the nature of the test questions, and because I was only drinking 1-2 every month or so at the time. I also passed the face to face interview because I just answered her questions and didn't offer anything extra. So, I avoided a further substance abuse evaluation and didn't have to face alcohol counseling at the time. I just didn't fit their mold.

You all know about my drinking history, why I stopped, and the relationship there between alcohol and hypo/mania. So I'll spare you, but I explained it in the class (minus the s/s attempt) and I made it clear that I was highly motivated to stop drinking because I'm BP.

I told the instructor that I stopped drinking for 3mo following the DWI, drank very little for a few months, and had my last drink on July 20th.
I also told him that I was very disappointed that the program didn't focus more on abstinence from alcohol, and I did mention my (limited) involvement in AA. I also told him privately that my husband is a heavy alcoholic and it worries me, makes me sad, and sometimes disgusts me to watch him drink so much that it actually makes it easier for me not to drink.

In my mind, that qualifies me as someone who has recognized her own problem is addressing it appropriately, and was discussing it as expected during a program that was aimed at alcohol education. Or at least a program that was marketed that way. There should be no "Gotcha!"

But according to the posts on the internet, it doesn't take much to get referred to aftercare. And the organization will not file proof you took the driving class until you meet after care requirements if you're referred. But you never know who's writing these posts and when they were written. I happened upon them by chance, and it's not like the internet is inundated with them. But there were plenty of warnings to keep your head down and your mouth shut. I wish I had found them before I went to the class. I think Mari had already warned me though.

After scouring the internet some more, I read that I was/am supposed to have a 1hr exit interview within 15 days of the class (I don't know how old the page is). And they use the information from the driving program and that interview to determine what kind of after care you need, if any. I received no such interview, and at no time was it mentioned. Of course I called the driving school because I'm a pain in the (expletive) ;) They said they no longer do them. Maybe they have nothing to base recommendations for after care on then? Maybe they no longer make after care recommendations? I may still have to face an exit interview because my case is being referred back to the original organization and I don't know what their practices are.

I bet you can guess what I'd say if I have to have an exit interview...
Maybe I'll just get a phone call or a letter in the mail telling me that I have new requirements I must meet before I can even think
about getting my license back.
Or maybe the original agency will contact me to schedule that exit interview. But according to what I read, they have only have 15 days from the end of the program to do it.

When we all left on Sunday with suitcases in hand, we were left with the understanding that the ordeal was over and the paperwork would just be filed with the necessary agencies, with the exception of some people who were still fulfilling their alcohol counseling requirements.

Maybe this is all for naught, and there is no more exit interview/after care anymore. Or maybe the instructor isn't an (expletive) and realizes I don't need it and reflected that in his notes. But it makes me nervous that it took me 2 calls to the driving school asking about when the proof of the class will be filed- resulting in a mysterious consent form suddenly materializing that will refer me back to my original agency. I have a feeling the driving school might question why I was never referred to substance abuse counseling in the first place.

I caught the postman yesterday and delivered the consent form right into his hot little hand, so it should arrive at the driving school tomorrow. I have to wait for them to get it to the original agency, and then wait for that agency to act upon it. In my experience with the first agency, I've found them to be morons. After care or not, I expect some kind of mess.

I can't see myself waiting more than a week before contacting the original agency (if they haven't already contacted me). This will accomplish one of two things:

1) When they pull my file they'll tell me if I'm going into after care or
2) I'll find out if they've filed the paperwork yet

I'm suffering from high anxiety right now, and something that's probably familiar to most of you... catastrophic thinking....

I'm going to have to try to worry about things in steps because as a whole this is all daunting and overwhelming.

I'm going to worry no matter what, but this week I'm going to try to contain my worries to the possibility of after care and how in the hell I'll be able to meet the requirements without transportation and with limited financial resources if I have to deal with it. It's going to kill me to wait a week before calling to get some answers.

Hopefully, I'm worrying for nothing. That would be nice for a change.

I did some research on NH law regarding these intakes and classes and this is what I found:

"For individuals who have screened negative for a likelihood of a substance use disorder, pursuant to He-A 507.02, but for whom new information is revealed during an IDEP session or otherwise learned by the IDCMP that indicates the appropriateness of an evaluation, the IDCMP shall require the client to submit to the evaluation and shall notify the client’s prosecutor of such requirement."

IDEP session= the driving class I just took
IDCMP= the organization I took the intake with

Barring a miracle, I'm (expletived).

The evaluation will be in NH, I will have to get a ride, and it will cost me $200.

I have no idea what their recommendations will be, but I'm not letting them within a thousand, make that a million, miles of the mental health department. They will have to satisfy themselves with what pdoc has to offer.

I guess if I can find an appropriate counselor locally in MA I can go that route for an extra $350. It's something to consider since there's no way I can get regular transportation to NH and I won't have to worry about paying for auto insurance anytime soon, since it will take me God knows how long to satisfy NH that I'm fit to drive.

I'm probably going to stick to my plan of waiting a week and calling. I don't wait well, and the sooner I get this started, the sooner I get it over with.

I am (expletived). I knew it. Nobody's ever accused me of being stupid.

Kay,

Stick to your plan of waiting a week.

Then go to a lawyer for a consultation.
It is possible that for a reasonable amount of money he or she can help you.


M

I agree with mari, wait a week then see how you feel.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Kay. I am thinking that you may need to talk to a Lawyer too. I'm sorry. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Thanks guys :grouphug:

NH laws regarding DD are extremely tough and the way the law is written there is no way out of this unless the organization decides not to do the evaluation, and that's not going to happen. They have to comply with the law. A lawyer can't fix this.

However, if I disagree with the organization's findings or their service plan is ridiculous, I can pay for a second opinion out of pocket.
Also, if I request a reasonable substitution (like going to my own pdoc or using a qualified counselor out of state) and they refuse, I have a right to a hearing.
And there's an appeals process.
I'll do more research on that when/if I need to, but I did skim the law regarding it already.


I'll probably do more research on the evaluation, but this is what I know:

It includes a bunch of standardized tests designed to identify substance abuse disorders and they rely pretty heavily on the results.

I'm sure I could pass those tests easily without showing deception because they're usually easy to see right through, but there's no point in doing it since they know I've already admitted to being an alcoholic. But I'm sure I'll be able to minimize things.

I know from the intake and the driving class that it's going to be hard to answer a lot of the questions because it's hard to tell sometimes if they're asking about the past or present. I have a feeling I'm going to have to ask whoever is administering the tests about that a bunch of times.

Anytime you answer yes to a question like, "Do you have a relative who is an alcoholic?," or, "did you start drinking before the age of 21?," it's another risk factor and another strike against you.

I'm not owning up to anything I didn't talk about in the driving class because I don't want to score so high that they're forced to recommend a ton of counseling. But I did talk about bipolar disorder and that's going to throw up a ton of red flags and there's nothing I can do about that.

Then they do a face to face interview and I can explain what I've been doing about my bipolar disorder and alcoholism since my DWI. Hopefully what I've already been doing on my own will be enough for these people to give me a reasonable service plan because I doubt I'll be able to get off scott-free.

Unless they're (expletives) they shouldn't hit me hard because of everything I've been doing on my own and because my problems ultimately stem from a mental health condition that I've been aggressively addressing.

I'm going to have pdoc write a letter for me to bring to the evaluation. She's extremely proud of me for the work I've done and I think it's important that these people know that.

My husband will have to take the day off from work to take me to the evaluation. He'll need at least a week's notice. It sucks because he'll have to take at least another 2 days off later in the process when the ball gets rolling again and I'm ready to get my license back. I'll probably end up paying the extra $350 so I can see a counselor in my area because of transportation issues. Of course I'll have to pay cab fare and the cost of the appointment unless my insurance company will pay for the substance abuse counseling, but I'll have to look into that.

I hope these people just call me when they receive word from the driving school instead of sending me a letter. If they act upon the new information quickly, I suppose I could get a letter within a week, but like BF said, the government works slowly. So, I'll still stick to my one week plan.

It's such a shame that I went from that high of being able to handle that weekend so well to quickly facing a (expletive) storm...
Maybe once the evaluation is over, I find out what kind of service plan I'm facing, and start working on it I'll feel like I'm getting closer to getting my license back again and start to feel better about things.

I'm so wound up right now. I was back to 1mg of Klonopin in the am and now I'm taking 2. And I'm at my limit because I'm taking 1mg in the afternoon as well.

My mother-in-law gave me a joint about 2mo ago for the parasthesias in my legs (which by the way have been horrible lately) . But I haven't smoked it because I don't know how it will interact with that 600mg dose of Seroquel and I haven't smoked pot in over a year...

It's been in a drawer, but it's calling my name. I'm going to skip my afternoon Klonopin and take a couple hits this evening. I'm not using my legs as an excuse, I'm just hoping it will help me relax.

Thank you for reading all of this (expletive)... all these long posts...
I just have to get it out because it's weighing so heavily on my mind. :grouphug:

We are reading, Kay.


You have doing well thinking this through.

M

Kay

Since you have thought it out so throughly, all the ins and outs.

Hopefully it will go the best it can.

Donna :hug::grouphug:

Thank you for sharing, this is a none judgemental place to share.
We are listening to you and I hope it helps to be able to vent and share.
I would think hard before using the pot...there may be a drug test required for some odd reason in the future...I really don't know about that though just a thought.
To totally change the subject...
I belong to a nutrition sight that focuses on healthy living. it is called www.sparkpeople.com . There they have many videos about yoga and relaxation tapes. Maybe you could work on relaxation stretches to focus on taking care of your body. Stress is so hard on yourself. Your body could use all of the nuruturing it can get at this point. Are you eating well? getting enough sleep. taking a relaxing bath if you enjoy that. Self care measures to sooth yourself.
Just thinking about ways you could distract your mind from these up and coming stressors.
(((((HUGS)))
bizi