No, my father is not helpful. You have no idea how hurtful the situation in general is. It's so (expletived) up.

Before my mother died when I was 17, she said that my father would remarry because he needs someone to take care of him and can't be alone. My mother was a wise woman. She said we should do our best to accept the woman the best we could, but I don't think my mother had his current wife in min when she said that.

This is my father's second marriage since. I was very close with my first step mother and our relationship was built on mutual respect. She was a good woman and did her best to take care of my brother who was only 9 at the time. But my father still favored taking care of her family over his own at times.

This carried over into his current marriage (my father's 4th) but to an extreme. And he cut off my 2 sisters years ago, then my brother 2mo before my s/s attempt- all instigated by his wife. She's very controlling and gets whatever she wants for herself and her family and is ruining my father's business. He knows it, and lets it happen.

I love my father. I have a million reasons from my childhood to the present to run for the hills, but I will not. You only get one father.

you are right. you only get one father.So much pain.
bobby

kay this sounds awful.
bizi

My therapist of 10yrs left to go to another practice over a year ago.

I have a new therapist, but so much has gone on in the last year we focus on the present. The problem is so much stuff makes reference to the past or relates to past trauma, but I don't have the time or energy to get into it. I have a lot of locked doors. And I don't go often either. She never gets up to speed. I have an appointment the 25th though.

It hurts to lose someone you have been with for so long....((((HUGS))))

Kay, just a thought. Is there a way you could journal your past/history.. high lighting areas of importance, you could write it in a word document. Try to just get the facts down. And then get it to her, maybe send it to her to read before your next visit???? or just bring it in and let her read it or you read it to her, something for you to hold onto while you tell your story.
Just a thought....
I don't know....I have brought in stuff for my pdoc before that was insightful.
sorry it is so hard for you.
On a similar note:
I have a medical history Page that I have saved to word with all of my info, contact info, chronologically listed facts, hospitalization dates stuff like that... that I bring with me to new doctor visits to refer back to in case I need info and can't remember it.
latest lab results dates of mammo, pap etc. I keep it on my desk top and add to it when something occurs, new doctor appointment dates etc.
This works for me. Oh I need to update my latest med changes!
bizi

I have a med list on my desktop and keep 2 updated copies in my purse. I always give the MDs a copy to hold onto at appointments. I usually do well with the med hx.

I've tried to write down specifics related to my family and childhood before... it gets so twisted up and it's like a saga. It's hard for me to write clearly, never mind explain clearly. It kinda has to be drawn out slowly in pieces. I have to stop and start because I'll start explaining something but it needs another backstory. It's a mess, and it is not a pleasant place to revisit.

Now is not the time at any rate. The s/s attempt was 12/23 last year. I have a feeling I'll be spending some time on the SOS forum soon.

I'm laying low at home for the holidays. I have unresolved issues with a couple of family members. My goal is to stay safe, stay stable, and stay sober through 2016 and beyond.

sometimes i think it is better to try to dig up good memories since the bad ones are so painful and really can't be repressed unless you are a master of denial.
bobby

I do denial pretty damn well at times. But I do still have good memories and try to focus on those when they surface.

sorry if I caused you any grief my dear...did not mean to.
are you particularly sad around the holidays...alot of people are.
Maybe it is the anniversary date that will be hard for you?
sorry you have issues with some of your family.
IT is probably a mixture of all of the above....
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

The older of my two brothers has told my sister and me that the younger brother is trying too hard to "fill a hole" and that filling the hole only makes the hole bigger and focuses on the past and that there is in fact no hole.
(It is psychobabble nonsense that he misheard perhaps.)


I realized that he has found a way to live with the past --- by doing his version of living in the present.


Or, more likely, by deciding to stop thinking about the past.

It seems to work for him as long as you can ignore his anger and sel-righteousness.

M