I'm glad that you are seeing your pdoc in two weeks. You are going through so much...

It's okay to skip the senior center from time to time, but please be careful not to withdraw too much.


Kay

i gained fourteen pounds. i am so out of control. I don't know what to do.
bobby

I know that you find comfort in your religion Bobby...
Can you try to read some psalms when you're anxious?

Or can you try snuggling with Abby?

Is there anything else you can think of that can reduce your anxiety?

You can try doing some of these things instead of over-eating when you get the urge.

I know you are probably feeling terrible about the weight gain and are probably beating yourself up. Don't. The binging is a symptom of your anxiety and you have been under a lot of stress lately...

You will get through this.

And when you do, you can worry about getting that weight off.



Kay

thank you so much. i am really scared. i will try your suggestions. On thursday the rabbi talked about two psalms. on wednesday night the rabbi's wife talked about rebecca and sarah and on tuesday the ethics of our fathers was talked about. the appetite is overwhelming. today i will try just to have eggs. i thought i would try not to have coffee but i already have had two. the klonopin isn't touching the anxiety. I was too cheap to buy apples because they were at least one dollar an apple. yesterday i had pastry that stella gave me. i told her i had no will power and not to buy me pastries but she doesn't listen and she knows i am very upset about my weight and diabetes.
bobby

today i went for a walk and coffee with cecilia and sofia. i haven't eaten a lot today so far. I will make another cup of coffee and hopefully the four hard boiled eggs i had in the afternoon will keep my appetite at bay.
I should decide tomorrow if i call a state agency to see if i qualify for a program. it just says income and doesn't mention resources. I also saw something like that on the net.
I started writing to a former best friend. I don't know why the relationship ended. she got married in her thirties and adopted two girls when they were a day old. she moved out of the city.
she has a lot of anger at her brother who died and whom she still misses. I wrote a little about that to her. i told her i worry about my soul and am trying to accept the crumbs myra gave me and forget most of my life with and without her.
bobby
I broke down and bought 12 apples and two sweet potatoes and broccoli. i think i am skipping the senior center tomorrow and just eat eggs.

Bobby,

What you are going through -- it sounds so hard.


M

Thinking about you Bobby

Don't let Stella leave the apartment without the pastries if she brings them. Be firm. She is not helping you by bringing them...
I always have beer in my house, and it hasn't been an issue, but let's say that wasn't the case. What she's doing is akin to someone knowing I'm an alcoholic and dropping by and leaving me a 6-pack everyday.

I'm so glad you are enjoying the Rabbi's talks and his wife's classes. That must be of some comfort. And I'm glad you have your walks with Cecilia and Sophia.

I think it's great that you started writing to your old friend. Did you send the letter? I hope this gives you an opportunity to reconnect.
I cut ties with my best friend a couple of years ago during a period of paranoia (I didn't realize I was paranoid at the time). I sent her a Christmas card. It would be nice if she responds on some way, but I'm not holding out hope.

I hope you qualify for that state program. It would be nice to get some extra help.

I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time right now Bobby. Please try to focus on the good things in your life (your religion, your friends, your walks, and Abby). I hope that things calm down and your anxiety lets up soon. You deserve to be happy.



Kay

I will tell stella the alcoholic analogy..maybe then she will get it. her father was an alcoholic.
yesterday there was a homeless women sleeping upright on the bench down the street. cecilia put fifteen or twenty dollars by her head. it was so touching.
i sent flora the email and mentioned how important my soul was to me. she still has anger towards her dead younger brother who alienated her from his children.
I forgot what i wrote before but i wrote her that my soul was more important than the crumbs my sister gave me and i am trying to just focus on that rather than all the bad things.
I woke up really depressed again. I did lose weight. I am debating whether or not to go to the senior center and just have eggs and apples at night.
i probably won't call the agency for extra help because i had to take money out of my annuity because i am 71 and i think that put me over the threshold. I just will be especially careful not to spend extra money. my binging on things i think has past.
I will write stella right now. thank you so much
bobby

i wrote her about the alcoholic and she didn't comment. right now i can't figure out if my high anxiety is making me frightened or my being frightened is heightening my anxiety