[Nikko]

I spoke with my cousin last night and she said she probably won't be able to make the trip here this year. She is looking to buy a house, and I understand that. It makes me real sad, I look forward to seeing her every year, it is like a vacation for me too, in a way.

Then we spoke about maybe meeting back East where I used to live, she could actually drive there. Then we could get a hotel, with a pool, and I could also see my friends. She is up for that. I on the other hand don't have the money to do that. I really don't have money to save, plus I am not good at saving money.

Dirk said he would take care of it and my mom and dogs and birds. Yet, he has his daughter coming for her
week off in April, and then he wants her to come back in the summer for awhile. So, she comes first, I don't want him to have to worry about me.

Dirk knows I am sad. My mom doesn't know about this yet. She doesn't think that I should be sad or depressed, because I am on BP meds. She will just tell me to get over it or something to that effect, then say did you take your meds? I hate that.

Lately my mom has been wanting everything at the moment she says! No matter what I may be doing. Dirk has told me and others that she knows what buttons to push with me, and that she can do a lot more than she shows. I think that is true too. She seems to dis/put me down/or make me look stupid, then says oh I am only joking. Then when other people tell her I need a break, she laughs and says for what?

It's just a mental break I need, she doesn't understand that. The physical part of cleaning, doing her meds, making sure she eats, laundry, shopping, helping her with her showers,cleaning her commode, she uses that because it is easier for her she says then going to the bathroom, which is very close. If I say anything, she says YOU are my caregiver, I just want her to be able to do things that I know she can do for herself,I can handle the rest of what I mentioned, although that would be a nice break too.

I really enjoy when Dirk and I go away for 1 night and all, it helps.

I guess I need to snap out of this soon, but I am trying. I see my p-doc tomorrow.

I know this is old news and everyone is probably sick of hearing it. That's ok, I do understand, believe me. I just feel sad, depressed somewhat, and going to miss my cousin, my friends I haven't seen in 4 yrs.

I think I just need a mental break from it all, just for a bit.

Enough of me venting. I did get my certificate from the HSUS for the online course I took "Interpreting Animal Behavior and Safe Handling" we framed it and put it up on the wall. I should be getting my books, materials for the "Vet Assiting" course I enrolled in through Ashworth University, online, it's quite intense, around 22 courses. Looking forward to getting started on that. One good thing, right?

Just needed to talk, vent......Maybe this sadness and depression will subside. I hope so, or it will go the other way and get worse. I was on the very edge of tears last night, so maybe a good cry is on its way to help.

One day at a time.......................baby steps as they say. Thank God and all the Angels for you all, always being there for me.

Thanks for listening.............Nikko

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Nikko

It's just a mental break I need, she doesn't understand that. The physical part of cleaning, doing her meds, making sure she eats, laundry, shopping, helping her with her showers,cleaning her commode, she uses that because it is easier for her she says then going to the bathroom, which is very close. If I say anything, she says YOU are my caregiver, I just want her to be able to do things that I know she can do for herself,I can handle the rest of what I mentioned, although that would be a nice break too.

Nikko,
Put up with only what you are willing to put up with and not one bit more.
Who does she thinks she is???????


Call the county/state and get someone in to help you. I forget what it is called, but the government will provide a few services for someone in your situation.

M.

[Nikko]

Thanks Mari, I have tried all the agencies, she will have nothing to do with them. I have had them come to the house, no deal. I called them, but they weren't allowed to say who called them, so my mom figured it was the hospital. They talked to me later and said she is of sound mind and unless she agrees to help at home or assited living, there is nothing I can do. I signed her up for Senior Citizens newletter on events, she says that is for old people, well she will be 75 next month. She won't even read the AARP newletter she receives, she says its all about dying, I said no look at the topics on the front page, some are very important and useful to anyone.

I do not have POA only medical POA if she cannot speak for herself. Like when she had her strokes, heart attack, seizures.

Dirk is very helpful and when one of my girlfriends come over -" Amy" she is a big help, plus my mom likes her.

I have learned to say NO, but in a nice way, then I find myself explaining away why I had to say no.

It's just I am not allowed to get sick, feel sad or depressed, that is in her mind. Taking a trip away, well her answer is I have travelled so much in my life, which is true and I should be thankful, which I am.

I just got done giving her meds, making her coffee and breakfast, she has her daily paper, I have delivered. Turned up the heat for her, I can't breathe now. I will put it down in a bit. I have beef stew going in the crock pot for dinner with rolls.

So, goes the battle. I do have some hope, at least Dirk is willing to stay here and help me out, if I let him finacially, to go back East this summer.

If I really need a daily break, well now I retreat to my room, then she will say you slept all day, which isn't true, I don't take naps anymore, unless I don't feel good. Yet my mom always sleeps in late, I am up early with my dogs and birds.

Soon I will take a daily well maybe not daily, but a trip down to the pool and get some sun and read for an hour or so. Sun really helps me, so does quiet. I am just in the dumps once again.

Nikko

[waves]

Originally Posted by Nikko

It's just a mental break I need, she doesn't understand that.

whether she gets it or not does not change the stark reality of it, and you are the one who must act on it. you are YOUR OWN CAREGIVER, FIRST AND FOREMOST.

The physical part of cleaning, doing her meds, making sure she eats, laundry, shopping, helping her with her showers,cleaning her commode, she uses that because it is easier for her she says then going to the bathroom, which is very close. If I say anything, she says YOU are my caregiver, I just want her to be able to do things that I know she can do for herself

Can you stand up to her and tell her that a caregiver's role involves ensuring the patient's degree of independence in her own self-care to the fullest extent possible?

I guess I need to snap out of this soon, but I am trying. I see my p-doc tomorrow.

i hope you ease out of this quickly. i hope nothing snaps. Snapping is for alligators.

I did get my certificate from the HSUS for the online course I took "Interpreting Animal Behavior and Safe Handling" we framed it and put it up on the wall.

COOOOOL! well done!

~ waves ~ weary as my hypomania wanes

[Pamster]

I wish there was more I could do, but agree with the others, I definitely think snapping is for turtles and aligators & crocs. Hang in there Nikko. Thinking of you and sending good vibes your way.

[Nikko]

OH yes, I do stand up to her. For instance yesterday afternoon, I was running out to get cigarette's and cockatiel food.

I was almost out the door, and she said can I go for the ride. I said no.
The time it would take to get her and her 4 wheel walker in the car, just to ride down the street, would be too much, she wouldn't go in the store anyway.

I said why don't we plan something to go out for a day? She said OK.

So then, I said would you like to come with me when I walk the dogs? That way she would be walking with her walker, getting exercise, fresh air, she said yes, but then did not end up going with me.

I know I need to get her out of the house. I have also mentioned going to the zoo, she said yes, I think I would have to use her wheel chair, which we never use, but the 4 wheel walker would be better, she has a seat on it that she can sit on when she gets tired.

I am trying...............................the reason she has so many aches and pain is, she isn't doing her exercises, not moving enough. I guess I am at fault for that too, she likes to be served and I do it.

Nikko the nut..............case in a shell.

[Mari]

Dear Nikko,

It's hard (impossible) to make someone do what you want them to do.

BUT, you can insist that YOU will do what you want to do and she can learn to live with it.

Originally Posted by Nikko

I was almost out the door, and she said can I go for the ride. I said no.
The time it would take to get her and her 4 wheel walker in the car, just to ride down the street, would be too much, she wouldn't go in the store anyway.

This is good, arrange your day the way that you want to.

I am trying...............................the reason she has so many aches and pain is, she isn't doing her exercises, not moving enough. I guess I am at fault for that too, she likes to be served and I do it.

She would benefit hugely from moving around in the way that the therapist taught her to do her exercise. But I think in your case, it is not worth the effort to bug her. You have already tried and she has already ignored you.

You are doing the right thing.
Get someone to come in like Donna mentioned so that you can take off a few hours twice a week or so. This decision is up to you. It is not up to her.

You'll be fine.
Mari

[Dmom3005]

Nikko

Try going about this a little different.

When you contact the agencies for help for her.

DO it this way.

THey also have a program in many states called caregiver help. Or respite.

So why don't you do this.

See about what you could get.

Call the agency and ask about caregiver respite help. This way when they
come they are relieving you. GIving you a day off or a few hours. TO go
do something else.

It might be to go out to lunch, just to take a nice afternoon at the spa.

Things like this. You can explain it to your mother, that you are entitled
to this. And whether she likes it or not you are using this service.

Donna

[bizi]

Donna, This is just excellant!