Gene from MS Society came this morning. Things went really well. So much of my problems with my mom lie with COMMUNICATION. We both assume a lot & DO NOT express fully what we need or want we just ASSUME the other person knows. We both felt good after Gene left & are once again taking positive steps forward. I am going to renroll in an anger management program which my mom will be a full partner in.

Have not been to 12 step program in months. Was contacted by a friend from the group saying a group I USE TO attend was having a holiday party today & she wanted me to come. I was hesitant but since I felt so much better after Gene left I decided to go. The party was nice & it was a good meeting. My wheelchair is finally repaired & I made arrangements to go after the party to pick up the wheelchair.

My van has had many problems since breaking down on the Wantagh Parkway a few weeks ago. After $800 in repairs the van has problems beyond the scope of any mechanic. Personally I think the van needs a good psychiatrist or better yet an EXOCIST. Lights DO NOT work when they should or come on when they shouldn't. Sometimes the radio works, sometimes it doesn't; the clock when it works does not show the right time, I will be driving an a "warning sound" (you know the annoying bong) will sound repeatedly but NOTHING is open & there is no way to shut it off & the best one sometimes when I go to remove the key from the ignition the vans "back up" alarm sounds the ONLY WAY to stop the alarm is to leave the key in the ignition. Good thing I live in a gated community because this OFTEN means leaving the key in the ignition overnight. Long story short 3 mechanics later I am no closer to resolving the problems. Well for several months the ABS light comes on. Again all mechanics say there is NO PROBLEM - don't know why it comes on. Usually the check engine light DOES NOT come on. The last time the CHECK ENGINE light came on the van broke down on the Wantagh Parkway.

This said I WAS NOT worried when the ABS light came on going to the meeting today or that it was still on when I went to leave the meeting. However, on the way to pick up the wheelchair the CHECK ENGINE light CAME ON. I started to panic & IMMEDIATELY changed direction & headed toward home. Mom wanted me to pick up a few groceries but I figured if I was in my neighborhood & broke down it was MUCH DIFFERENT than being where the wheelchair place was & breaking down.

I was about a block from my house (not yet at the grocery store) & the speed limit changes from 40 to 30. I went to put the brake on to slow down, I do the brake & gas with my right hand I started to press down on the brake & THE BRAKES LOCKED UP. I remember seeing a small car like a mini cooper to my right & knowing my huge van would CRUSH IT; so I jerked to the left (going straight at this point WAS NOT an option car WOULD NOT do that). Well there was a HUGE TRAFFIC SIGN I WAS HEADED RIGHT FOR IT & THE BRAKES WOULD NOT STOP THE VAN. I honestly thought that the sign was coming thru the windshield & took corrective action as best I could. I took out the llghts, part of the front & side of the van, jammed the drivers side door & side sliding door closed. IT IS A MESS!

I have a contracture in my left hand from the MS & use a wheel spinner that is essentially a "slot" that my 95% disabled left hand fits in allowing me to steer. When the van came to a stop BOTH my wrists really hurt; the left one from turning the van & the right one from trying to hit the brake. I COULD NOT get out of the van because the door was jammed shut.

A good samaritan who witnessed the accident came to my aide. He called the police but I REFUSED an ambulance. He kept asking me if I was ok because I was trembling from the shock & he said very pale. I asked him to stay with me until the police came & he did. The police kept insisting I go to the hospital & assured me Esperanza could go with me. Esperanza was not hurt because when in the van she rides in a doggy car seat in the back passenger seat & is strapped in with a 4 point harness. The police & tow truck driver got my door open. I have adaptive devices, a handle, a stool with a handle, a leg lifter to help me get in & out of the van. The tow truck driver said using these things he COULD get me in & out of his truck & take me home if that is what I wanted.THAT IS WHAT I WANTED.

Had some hydrocodone & took that but the pain in my left hand is getting worse. It is VERY SWOLLEN & ICE IS NOT BRINGING IT DOWN. My left pinky is bent inward from the contracture & I often straighten the fingers to exercise them but when I straightened my pinky this evening I THOUGHT I WOULD DIE!

Updating my meds, etc. (with one hand) going to print them out & if I feel this bad in morning going to have mom take me to ER. I am in so much pain.

Van was being towed to local tow place that repaired it last time but when I called wheelchair place to explain why I wasn't there they said DO NOT send van to local mechanic - send it to them. The LOCK UP in the brakes could be the brakes but it could be the hand controls in either case the hand controls could have been damaged in the accident. I was able to call the tow dispatcher & they changed where van was being sent.

Probably go to ER in morning won't know more about van until Monday.

There is a FUNNY SIDE to this story. The police & tow truck driver get the drivers door open then the rear sliding door on the drivers side so I can get my walker. I take my walker out & the police officer closes the door. My van is entitled "PEG'S GRAFETTI VAN" I have saying stickers all over the van. On the side of the door that was damaged were 2 stickers (well there are at least 20) but 2 in particular drew the policeman's attention; "I SUPPORT MEDICAL MARIJUANA & I VOTE" & "ARREST CRIMINALS NOT PATIENTS" with a huge marijuana leaf. The tow driver noted how my "design" got messed up in the accident, the policeman points to the 2 signs just mentioned & says "you don't have any of this MEDICINE on you or in the van do you?" I tried to keep a straight face & said "NO" which was in fact the truth I HAVE NOT smoked in almost 7 years but the day it becomes legal I will be first in line to get a medical marijuana card. When the tow truck driver was taking me home he was laughing about the policman & the stickers.

Need to get off the computer; I am use to typing with one hand but my right hand is also sore from the accident so I need to say good night. Wait for an update.