That's a good sign that you were approved for medical. I hope that the non-medical stuff gets approved soon.

Thanks Sally and Tkirk!

I am hoping this does mean good things to come.

I realized lately, that I am becoming slightly depressed.

I think it's the whole still not having my OWN house, not being to pay my way through life on my own, of course all the health issues, and some of it is jealousy...

Jealousy that my boyfriend doesn't have to do anything. nothing at all. He has one chore and that's take out the trash and he usually 'forgets' to do it.

I love him dearly, but am seriously questioning life with him at this point. I should be the one laying in bed while someone else is doing the laundry, the dishes, taking care of cats (that aren't even mine), trying to clean the bathroom. The list is endless. And I understand that men don't do much, but I think I would rather be all alone and have my own house and have it clean the way that I want it to be. I know that sounds like crazy talk but I realize that that is the ONE thing that I get mad about everyday.. doing ALL the house work while he lays in bed all day. I don't want kids. That's ONE of the MANY reasons I dont want kids, ever. I don't want to be cleaning up their messes all day and that's what I do with my boyfriend and his mom. And it drives me up a flipping wall!

I force that smile on my face, even if I am not feeling it.


I feel fake smiles will induce a real smile at some point right?

My rant up there makes me feel like a really bad person.

His mom does alot for me so that's why I try to do all that I can to help out, but she's very careless and will trash the kitchen in 30 seconds after I had spent 4 hours cleaning it.

I just am thinking it's not fair to me to live a miserable life on top of MS because I can't 'adapt' to their lifestyles. I don't approve of half-buttin anything. If I can do it 100% with MS there is absolutely no excuse for all the dishes to still be dirty.. or for there still to be crap on the countertop after wiping it down.

I've been living here for 4 years.. and still not have adapted and still get mad about the same stuff everyday.. so I am thinking that I prolly never will adapt if I haven't at this point... Maybe I am just a crazy person with OCD

What happens when you do only your own laundry and dishes? I know that's so hard to do, leave all those messy dishes, but will they react at all? Have you talked to each of them about this? It's probably pointless.

What does your BF do for work? It sounds like he's not working, if not, why?

Don't feel bad about not wanting kids. There are a lot of people out there that'll give you grief over that. If I didn't have one already, I'd be in the same boat. My brother and sis-in-law are DINKs and I love to see their freedom! I have 7 more years ha ha. I love my daughter more than anything, but I'm not good at sharing and an introvert. I never ever get a day alone anymore. There are more then enough kids out there!!!

I have a huge issue with my DH supporting me, and he's a SAHD. In the last couple months he's gotten so much better at helping out, it wasn't until he could actually SEE something that made him help. Maybe it was me not being able to cook or me accidentally cutting a plant vine. Me being forced to cut back made him help.

But your partner and his mom do see things happening to you. They know you have mobility issues. What happens if it got worse? What happens if you have the flu, do they help then? Or do you get sandwiches and cereal like I've gotten? Do they have chore lists? Can you write something out? Or can they pay for help to clean the kitchen and hard stuff? You shouldn't have to do it alone.

If you BF is like this now, he's going to be like this later. Don't expect it to change. I should have realized it myself the first time I walked into DH's house when we met and he had a week's worth of dishes on the counter.

I feel like it will never change either.. and I don't want him to change who he is. So it makes me really wonder if we are meant to be.

I've thought about making a chore list, but since I am living in someone else's house I feel it would be super improper of me.

He gets upset when I clean. He says it's taking time away from our future and that its gonna get messy again. WELL DUH! its called being an adult and having responsibilities. His mother is the reason for his laziness. He's never had to even wash a cup in his life. She's always payed his way through life.

He quit his job in February. and yes, does not work. Which drives me nuts. I WANT TO BE WORKING but I can't... he is fully able, but doesn't.

He doesn't have to pay bills or anything.

On my 21st Birthday, right before MS came into my life.. I had figured my finances and would be able to be out on my own with school in my schedule by the time I turned 22.

I turn 26 in a month.

We get along well. Never fight. But maybe that's because I keep my mouth shut with the issues.

This is FAR FROM the life that I wanted.

I think, whenever he wakes up, that I will have a very long, serious, adult conversation with him about this matter.

I'm pretty sure 98% of women would NEVER put up with this crap.

Everyone has the capacity to change their behaviour...but I think that the desire must come from within if the change is to take place without resentment or conflict.
It sure doesn't hurt to suggest definite ways to go about that though.

To avoid him perceiving critisism, you might open the conversation by saying something like, "I'd like to improve our relationship so please tell me something that I do, or don't do that I can change that would help that to come about."
As hard as it may be, if it is reasonable, try to accomodate it. Then maybe when he sees that you are doing what he suggested, he might come to you with the same sort of request.

With love, Erika

Loved your post. You said that perfectly. There is always hope for behavior change. I would only add, when all your efforts fail, and you give the 100% to your doctor, move on if he doesn't change. ginnie

I taught my 4 kids to do their own laundry when they entered high school. Every child had a chore to do in the house (they ALL hated poop patrol in the yard). I wanted each child (especially my 3 boys) to be able to care for themselves when they left the nest.

We teach what we expect from others; I expected a lot from the kids (not so much from DH, but he's the repairman of the house and we never call one in-he does all of the remodeling, etc.-so I didn't demand much from him in terms of cleaning). He helps out more now, especially since I'm having so much trouble with my legs and pain levels. But he still has a tendency to walk away from the dinner table and go sit in front of the TV. If I ask he'll jump up right away and help, but I don't. See, I get what I expect...

You are heightening your stress levels by swallowing your anger and resentment-and stress increases your symptoms. I would have a very honest conversation with him. Not to paint yourself as a victim, but that you expect help. Plain and simple. It is obvious that he comes from a family that doesn't put a premium on cleanliness and order in the house. Not a judgement, just an observation. I came from that kind of household, and for many years I was Kathy Kitchen, with a spotless house-and kids parked in front of the TV My priorities were upside down....should have done more with them...

And if you have any doubts at all about your future with him, you need to have a plan for YOUR future without him. You need to take care of yourself too...

No match is made in Heaven, IMO...you both need to find out what is important to each of you in life, and acknowledge whether or not you can work it out...

Keep us informed, and you are not in anyway to apologize for examining your feelings and situation with your virtual friends here at NT-that's what it's all about-we all get it here...

Thank you so much Debbie and Erika

I took both of your advice and just got done with a nice long chat.

He really does only want me to do what makes me happy and that's rare in people nowadays.

We discussed our future. What I want and what he wants. We set goals so we can get a house in the future (his dad owns property so we can hopefully work out a rent to own situation). He said he still doesn't want me cleaning our house like a madman. Which is totally fine cuz I will be able to start a clean home and keep it from piling up dirt n dust. I get that I wont be able to have it perfect, but I wont have to worry about having a counterproductive roommate anymore.

I feel horrible for having the doubts I did about him. He said he will try not to leave messes behind. I agreed to be patient.

I read my messages above and I sound like a horrible person.
I want to say..
I am so grateful for this life.
im grateful to be able to get out of bed.
for my family. My friends.
for the roof over my head.
the clothes and shoes on my feet.
im grateful for all the bad times, for they strengthen me and remind me just how fortunate of a soul I am.

I hate that I get in these funks. They tend to turn me rather mean and angry. That's not who I am.

I appreciate you all and all the wonderful support and strength you all give me.
im sorry if i came off as hateful and ungrateful.
Todays a new day <3

Wow, you're a strong woman-and I'm glad you took the time and talked with your loved one.
I sometimes feel as if I'm in permanent PMS mode Then I take a few moments to do a gratitude checklist and realize how blessed my life has been even with this stupid health stuff. I am loved by wonderful people; I have a great DH who is my best friend; I have wonderful kids, and in this day and age that is a lot to feel thankful for.

I try to begin each day with a thank you to the Creative Spirit for a new day, and ask for strength to love, serve and live my life to the fullest. By 10 am it's difficult to remember that But I try...

I'm glad you sat and talked about goals. That is one thing we never did, and I regret that. DH's sister & BIL sat down and made 5 year goals. They've had a great life. We just kind of meandered along like pin balls...now we are more active in talking out our future, especially now that the inlaws are at rest.

So, I am glad you have resolved some issues...it's difficult as well, living in someone else's home. Once you are on your own, you & BF will be able to set your priorities in your home, which is so much easier.

Now you need to take care of yourself and figure out what the heck you can get done to feel better!!

Good to see you had a long talk. Talking is a great thing. Talking with loved ones is even better.

I myself have so few family members. Both my parents were only children. So I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins. My wife is an only child. I have no in-laws at all. We have just each other, our 2 sons, and 3 grandchildren. I have a brother 1500 miles away, and his ex-wife and 2 kids. That is the ENTIRE family.

For my problem, I found a resident doctor at a hospital that spent 2 hours with me. We still do not know what is going on, but are working on a best guess that I may be having, "Complex Hemiplegic Migraines." They resemble a stroke but are not. Trying a med that MAY help if this is what it is. Maybe!

Good luck and keep trying. Don't beat yourself up over a rough spell - Just keep talking.