This is truly a vent (and a prayer)- ignore it, if you get bored........

God and Satan came to a bet, and 'Job' was the object (remember?).
Everything Job did, was turned against him.
He was plagued medically (boils & other stuff).
Everything went wrong- to test his faith.

I'm not an extremely religious man. I'm kinda the average,
middle class only on holidays, and funerals, and weddings -
go to temple, kinda guy.
Faith isn't something that needs to be tested as I truly believe
in my faith, but am not religiously adamant - not (my family never was) orthodox in my practice.

Lately, everything I do, turns to **** ! (ca-ca if this is edited).

I try to hurry to do my job (I charge by the hour and am expected to be swift), and fall down getting from one place to another on new construction sites (minor fall again yesterday, just banged my knee a bit),. Didn't tell my wife. All she does, is ask if I put ice on it.
I think its my new glasses/bifocals.
I don't seem to be able to adjust to them yet. (If you've ever worn bi-focals, you know you can't see curbs and steps and the tips of your toes when you are getting used to them). When I get slightly off balance, I cant correct cause of the PN.
I don't think a carpenter, a mason, an electrician, or a locksmith would look very competent using a cane, carrying power tools and tool kits around.
My hands drop things (like a hammer on my foot). I put things down while working, with tools all around, drills, drill bits, chisels, hammers, tool boxes, screwdrivers, and especially parts.
And I go to pick them up, & I can't find them -spend lost time just trying to find things I've put down- all around me.
My manual dexterity is slowly getting worse and it takes me longer to do things, and some things I cannot do at all- as I once could do, with ease.

My service van stranded me last week and I towed it to the mechanic -that I've been using for 15 years, & he replaced the battery. Its in the shop again today (I'm dead in the water as a service today) - alternator, distributor or, who knows?. (how much $$? - who knows?)

I'm paying rent on 2 stores, trying to get a new shop ready to move into, because I've lost my lease after 27 years-new slum landlord won't give me anything in writing- my business is on 30 day verbal rent, and the rent has been raised - twice- in one year.
Every day that I'm not hurting too much, I go to the new store and patch and hammer and move things and try to get it ready to put in a new flooring, paint, put up signs (sign painter/maker isn't getting the design right).
I hurt every day at night and wake up feeling not much better and push to get thru another day.
If it weren't for my Soc, Sec. checks, I couldn't afford to do it.
Money is flowing out at 3 x the rate its coming in.

There's more, but I'm getting depressed venting..........can't continue....

Why me..... Lord? What have I done to deserve this..... and PN too?
Cut me a break.......please !! I'm really trying hard to do what's right to earn a living, can't afford to retire, and have to move after 27 years in the same location.
Can't I get a little help in the way of not having everything be so hard to get done, and so hard for me to do?
Can't the brick walls I've run into disappear?

I'm grateful my quadriplegic son is progressing with his therapy,
but what is it now........my turn? Am I gonna get hit by a truck
while trying to cross the street?
One broken neck and wheelchair bound in the family, is enough......please! Can't you stop getting in my way?
Let me have some little success..... please!
Am trying hard, I really am. Gimmee a break, the pain is enough & I'm continuing to work thru it. Let it happen.... without any more interference.
I'm pleading with you.

all you seem to be missing now is a visit from the IRS... and I guess I could arrange that! LOLOL (just kidding)

You know I get spells like this. My strength and mobility are much less this year than ever before. Remember the Tim Conway routines on Carol Burnett show?
Well some days are like that for me. I drop stuff, trip going up stairs, a door sprained my arm at work, and I tripped over a tote left on the floor where it shouldn't have been (people laughed at me and although I didn't hit the floor, I pulled my back trying to stay upright). I can trip on a throw rug in minute. I have 3 sets of glasses now...because of the trip factor. I suggest you do a similar thing.


Bob, I am greatly happy for you that your son is better. Perhaps you are feeling a delayed stress reaction to that horrible accident/event?

This year for me was very depressing, and the use of my light visor did help alot. So I do think chronic pain/illness combined with environmental issues leads to depression in older folks like us. I personally am looking forward to the new family of antidepressants, the NK family coming soon. This new target is different from SSRIs that we have now. And will help with chronic pain too.
So there is hope.
http://www.psychiatrist.com/pcc/brainstorm/br6003.htm
I think those with pain induced depression will benefit-- by blocking substance P.

I understand where you are coming from. YOu don't come on here often to vent, like me, and you are a strong person. But we all have our moments, and I am sure everyone here understands. I always use the phrase to myself, "This too shall Pass". And when I am in a funk, I always try to find nice things for myself, as treats..and that helps. Summer is best for me because I can grow things...this is a major therapy for me.

I am removing personal information, because of the "nature" of the internet.

I am leaving for vacation tomorrow, and will be thinking about you, Bob. That you find a way to be kind to yourself, and
manage the frustrating and tiring tasks that we need to do to survive in this world. I don't know if you are taking B-complex, or fish oil, but both of these help me tremendously. Low folate and low DHA are both factors in depression.

This is what I WOULD NEVER TELL A MAN TO DO!!! Of course not. I could never do such a thing.

I would never tell a man to kick back, pop open a six pack. Put on a Beyonce video, or Shakira, look at that booty, and just sit back and smile!!!

OF COUSE, I WOULD NEVER TELL A MAN TO DO THAT. I mean, why would I want a man to not have pain for a five minute period. Why would I tell a man "you deserve a nice cold one, sit back and watch and enjoy a beatiful woman DO HER THING!!!

Now why on earth would I want to tell ANY MAN TO DO THAT!!!

It's not seemly for a woman to even think such a thing. The other night, my husband, who was in such pain with his feet and with other stuff going on his body, well, this man was sitting in front of the internet, watching Shakira shake her booty, and he was sitting there tapping his feet, and shaking his arms and he was completely oblivious to his pain. Now Alan can't drink alcohol. But believe me, if Alan COULD DRINK, he would have been sitting there chilling with a cold one, enjoying a beautiful woman shaking her booty. So for that five minutes, (or however long he was at the computer), my husband was in another zone.


BUT I COULD NEVER TELL YOU TO DO THAT, TO HAVE A COLD ONE, LOOK AT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN DO HER THING!!!! To take your mind off of your pain for just a little while. Now what kind of a woman would tell a man do do that???

lol

Melody

Bob, I really do hope your luck changes for you soon, it is certainly well over due, all that stress wouldn't be doing your PN any good either.
I was glad to read that your son is progressing with his therapy, at least that is one good positive, i hope a lot more will come your way.
take care mate,
Brian

absolutely breaks my heart! I never realize how lucky I am until I read some of your stories.

Bob, maybe it's time you quit hurrying. Yes, I know you are expected to be fast. But after all the years you have put in doing your job, they should be paying for your Expertise..not your speed in doing the job. I have an older man coming to repair the leak we have in our roof. I know it's gonna cost. But he has been repairing leaks in metal roofs for almost 20 years and it's going to be done right..not fast. We have put this off as long as we can. The ceiling in the hallway is sagging with all this rain in Texas.

And you are probably right about your glasses. My husband has new bi-focals and since he got them, he has hit his forehead and cut it three times on the car trunk lid while delivering Meals on Wheels. He's in a hurry when he does this because the meals are hot and they need to be delivered as soon as possible.

Are you wearing the progressive bi-focal? I don't have as much problem with the bi-focal falling in a hole feeling since I started wearing those. They seem to be better because they give you the intermediate vision. It took a little while to get used to them but they work better for me.

And for the tool problems you are having (putting them down and not being able to find them)..I make jewelry (which is no real comparison to what you are doing but this helps me) and when I finish with one tool, I place them all to my right side, then I put all the components (clasps, etc) at the head of the working area, etc. You get the idea. I ALWAYS place things in the same order. Then I can find them. I've also had to learn new ways to do things because my hands won't let me do the intricate things the way I used to do. I'm having to learn to let my tools do things for me that my hands used to do. A whole learning curve.

Perhaps the stress of all of your struggles is making the pain worse. A move alone is stressful. I can't even imagine a move combined with everything you are talking about.

Mrs. D..I'm looking forward to your vacation for you. And for me. The pictures will be great.

Bob, I sure hope your God is listening to you. My heart aches for you. You never complain, so I know things aren't good at all.

It's raining again. Everyone pray the ceiling holds until we can get it repaired.
Billye

All I can say to all of you is..........thanks (!?!)
(not nearly enough, but I'm at a .....loss for words....who, me?)

I did sit back in the recliner, and popped a cold one last nite
at about 9 pm- got home from work after 8, and took a valium.
(left over from the MRI neck fall-I still sleep with a neck brace)

I tred to read but couldn't concentrate (that's Lyrica for ya).
Had to make do with the Discovery Channel and, CSI Re-Runs.
(No booty channel at my house)
Woke in the chair about 1:30 a.m.- took my midnite Lyrica &Tramadol
and went to bed.
This is becoming a loop, like a record on replay-constantly.

I have to watch out for the booze tho. My PCP wants me to see a
therapist for stress (I've been trying to get an appt for a month) cause she's concerned about me crawling back into the bottle. (like 7 yrs ago)
No chance of that, tho- too much to do, too little time, too much pain.

More than one or two......booze makes the PN pain worse.
She doesn't even want me to do that.
Afraid of continuing degradation of the nerves with alcohol.
She's right, of course.

I'm just glad I can come here and .......well, whatever

Bob

I am truly sorry to hear that so much is going wrong for you at the present time. You mention Job’s misfortunes in the first 4 lines of your “Vent”. Perhaps the end of this chapter in Job’s misfortunes may bring you some reason for hope. I quote:-

“The Lord restored Job to good health, gave him double the riches he had previously possessed, blessed him with a beautiful and numerous family, and crowned a holy life with a happy death. Job lived 140 years after his time of trial, 248 years in all, long enough even to see his great-grandchildren.”

Perhaps another 140 years may be pushing things a bit but it does suggest that you will soon be feeling a lot better and that the brick walls may soon disappear. The first step may well be your son’s improvement.

Take care and good luck

Tony

Bob B -When things get the darkest usually one of 2 things happens - it get's totally dark or a dawning begins to take place. I pray it's the latter for you. I live not too far from St Jude's Children Hospital in Memphis (the hospital established by Danny Thomas) and anytime I begin to "get down" near the state your finding yourself in, I plan a visit to the kids at St Jude's. That place will break your heart. Just thinking about visiting St Jude's and seeing the condition of so many of those children immediately makes me realize that my little complaints are nothing in comparison. I immediately begin to feel better and in another day I'm just fine. I can't explain the psychology of this but it's always worked for me. Perhaps something similar might work for you. I was taught that the Lord promised he would never put more on us than we could bear. There have been times when I questioned that, but, I'm still here. Good luck to you Bob - keep on keeping on and never ever give up.

Dear Bob,

Such an overwhelming set of problems. I do hope the "darkest before the dawn" applies and that things will turn around very soon.

rose

Dear Bob:

I can't do anything for you except to say I am so sorry.

Shirley H.