Originally Posted by dreambeliever128

Lynn said it best. You don't know what other people are going through at times. There might be more going on for her then just her husband's cold.

My feeling of friends is that they can't always be there for everything you go through but they are there when they are needed the most. When Bill was in the hospital in Denver, all of my friends came up there and stayed for 4 days with us until we had to take him off of life support. I don't think Susan and I were ever alone. They had to come 150 miles to be with us too.

The hardest part for me is that friends call me on the phone and I don't answer it nor return their calls. Depression keeps me from talking to people. I am going through that now, I think due to the accident in December and my PT. Luckily, they don't get mad. They know my situation.

We are living in a time where everyone seems to be going through something that is more then they can take. Financially, physically, personally. Friends call me with their problems all of the time. I must be a good listener. I usually don't get a word in edgewise but that's ok. They thought to call me in their time of need. It helps me forget what I'm going through. I also laugh a lot too, so by the end of the conversation, we usually have some good laughs.

Some people aren't going to stick with a person through the worst also. There are people that can't deal with sickness and unhappiness. Usually they are self absorbed.

Give your friend time, she will come around and if she is going through something she may eventually talk to you.

I think people can learn who their real friends are in the end. When all is said and done, they are still there whether you talk everyday or not.

Lynn, you are right. That line is stupid. Wheather you love someone or not, we make mistakes and you do have to say you're sorry.

KS, just keep smilin and remember things do get better and you have support here.

Ada

Originally Posted by eileen2theright

RSD definitely leads to some awkard social moments, to put it mildly.

Don't let this friend issue get away from you, either. RSD is isolating enough.

People just don't get it. I wouldn't have understood this, had it not happened to me.

One of the things I've begun to do in order to dim the isolation, is to start using Facebook. Even if it ends up being new RSD friends, I have learned how much worse off I am when I isolate.

Change is hard, especially when it's not our idea.

Originally Posted by keep smilin

Hello everyone.. I have to toss this out there and please..all ...help me..but today I am feeling pretty sad as my dear bestest girlfriend..who has been so good to me the past 3 years...is so enthralled with her work (I understand that part...) and homelife with two dogs and husband obligations lately.. (sounds quiet compared to us having kids and the schedule xtra's, right??)..... Iam screaming..help..plz.. me... I am unraveling here..As some of you know, I just stepped away from my work of 25yrs. due to my RSD in my legs and no longer walk well enough to be there..not mention the spread I now have going on...Just today I mentioned to her it's not her work but plz fit me into some solo time and how I have called the last few weeks...invited her to lunch and seeked her out a bunch lately cuz I need my friend to possibly cry with me... but all I got so far was her work has been incredibly busy which she is so very sorry for and that her husband had a cold over her 3 day's off...so she couldn't visit with me... I have told her how devestated I am the longer I have been home (since 12/3/09) and how until one has to walk at 47 due to this reason..it's real pain that others don't know... so far no reply...

Okay everyone..guide me here.. I don't want not do I believe in pitty but this is the one person besides my husband and children that I have connected with almost everyday for 3 years...and she always said..how are you feeling?? I thinks she cares but due to her quiet life.. she over plays her demands... and I need her..

KS

Originally Posted by Lynns409

I totally understand that it is hard to have a disconnect with a person that you were/are close with- it can be maddening. When I first had my SCS put in and had subsequent revisions and then issues with blood clots, it was really hard. The first time I was in the hospital, all kinds of people were there. And then each time after that less and less people came to see me. I have always tried to understand that hospitals are not something that people are used to dealing with when they are 19. But then I realized that hospitals and sickness are not something that anyone is used to dealing with. And even if a person has had experience with illness, it can be difficult to deal with depending on your relationship with the person who is sick. The dynamics can all change around.

My motto about people is that you never know what someone else is dealing with. If someone is rude to me or mean to me, I try to imagine what it is that has made them lash out that way. Maybe the person at the grocery store is fighting with her spouse, or the rude lady at the gas station who stole my pump while it was raining and then flipped me off (today!) just got bad news from a doctor. It's hard to do at first, but in the long run I am happier when I try to empathize with people and not take their behavior too personally.

I know it can be hard to see, but for your friend, this is her life and these things are real problems- that are important- to her. Sometimes it can cause problems, but at the end of the day, I am happy that my friends cannot exactly relate to what I am going through. I am glad that the dog peeing on the rug is a big problem for them. I don't want them to feel pain and suffering and loss. Not that you do! Not saying that!

I think that it is important for you to put yourself in her shoes, just as much as you want her to step into your shoes. Judging her life won't solve much, and it will just make you bitter. Write her a letter, but don't send it, to get past some of the anger that you are feeling. And I would also look in to getting a therapist. I had a lot of problems with my ex when I relied on only him as my support system after a trauma in my life- sometimes it can cause resentment when a person feels (whether rightly or wrongly!) that you are relying on them too much. This is a big life change that you are going through, and getting more support can never be a bad thing!

Sometimes when people don't know what to do they step away from a situation and don't try at all for fear of failing. Maybe try to offer her something concrete to do, or take the first step yourself. Bring over some chicken soup to her house for her husband! This can help her to see that you take her and her life seriously, and then it will help her to take your life and problems seriously.

I do have to kind of disagree with something that Bobber said though- I don't think that love is unconditional. Maybe unconditional as far as illnesses and all, but I think that people love us because of the way that we act, and our personalities. And if that starts to change, then love can change. If I am hurting, I really try to make an effort not to take it out on my boyfriend. The man who wrote the movie "Love Story" died the other day, and they quoted the famous line from it- "love means never having to say that you're sorry." And I think that is the stupidest line ever! Love is the exact opposite of that! Love means respecting someone enough TO say that you are sorry, that you screwed up. Love means abandoning pride and working on things together.

Ok, that last part was totally a rant, but not totally off of the subject


Lynn

Originally Posted by ouchymama

Hi Lynn,
Just read your response about the friendship problem when diagnosed with RSD. Your whole response was great but I have to tell you something. I, too, hated that movie Love Story. And that line, "love means never having to say you're sorry" is a crock. It wasn't a rant........it was great. lol