[rsdrobert]

i have rsd or crps type 2 since 1995. Everyone I know, hasn't a clue what RSD is. Those people don't know I take Methadone and Zanaflex 4 times a day and have refused so many meds other than those two.

i have rsd in my arms, shoulders, neck, hands, fingers, hips, legs, knees, ankles, feet, and toes...and in my mid-section. I live with constant burning/electrical/freezing pain like stepping on a hot burning nail that's plugged into an electric circuit. my hands and feet are so cold to the touch that my wife tells me it hurts her if i touch her with them. (typos sorry) my feet are modeled and look like brown spotted diseased feet. my doctor once said back in 2001 that they look like insect bites...it's 2009, and now they look like I'm turning brown hundred specks at a time.

however, unlike everyone else with rsd, my sex drive is so increased that i am ashamed of my nervous responses. so ashamed that i cannot look anyone in the eye. i am 24 years monogamous and yet my mid section makes me feel like a bi hooker at best.those sensations are so much worse than the pain because everyone seems to understand or even likes to see others in constant pain?

My wife has no idea how to deal with any of the rsd, so she choses to get drunk every night and pretend i'm not here. but she says, i love you...until she passes out drunk. i guess it's easier on here than massaging me and being there for me sexually? I guess for her, my rsd makes it ok to drink every night and to act like i'm not here?

socially, i'm an extremely nice person to meet and know. privately, i live in a world filled with horrific pain and i feel like a reject because nobody understand the pain and depression i live with.

i found this site by looking up rsd and suicide.

if you have full body rsd, you know what i'm going through. now add being sexually tormented by your own sexual organs and your **** 24/7/365 followed by the fact that your soulmate gets drunk nightly just so she won't have to deal with your bodily neediness. heaven forbid her for not caring...it's all my fault for having rsd.

my wife calls me many times a day while she's at work just to check on me. I never tell her how i really feel. She loves her job and i don't want to mess it up for her, so i lie. when she comes home, I feel like i am not worthy of her company. She teasingly tells me how she loves me. i respond

the same stuff happens every day and night. i am suicidal. it's a shame she can't understand how her nightly actions are killing me. guess that's what rsd is all about?

[Chemar]

hello Robert and welcome to NeuroTalk, tho I am sorry to read of what brings you here

I moved your post here from the new member introductions forum as the RSD forum members would best understand what you are suffering and because of the sensitive nature of your post

I also wanted to let you know that we do have a Survivors of Suicide forum with many caring members
here is the link
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html

I cant begin to imagine how hard life is for those of you who suffer the torment of RSD pain but I pray for relief of the pain and for a cure to be found

[dreambeliever128]

SORRY to here that you are going through sooooo much. I am glad you found the sight. There are several men on here also so they will come in and help you.

As far as the suicide, I would recommend councelling. I have been in councelling for over 10 years due to the RSD. I became so suicidal that my PCP got his whole office involved in keeping me going. Now they are all my friends.

With a councellor, you can talk to him/her about anything. They can help you to understand things that your own family can't and they give support also.

Hang in there and hang around here. You will get some great advice.

Ada

[CRPSbe]

Welcome to the forum.

[shogan7RSD]

Hey Robert
First I want to offer my sympathies for your physical and emotional pain.
My name is Sarah and I am an alcoholic/addict in recovery. I am also a suicide survivor and my whole family is alcoholic, not in recovery. Suicide is an awful disease of the mind and i would recommend talking to ur doctor about it bc there hav been revolutionary meds for depression that could help u. Most ppl w/ RSD tend to become depressed, but believe me, depression only makes the pain worst.
When I tried to take my life in Aug. of 04, I realized the impact suicide has on ur loved ones. Bc of that experience, everytime I think of suicide now a days, I quickly put it out of my mind. I was only 16 at the time and quickly got myself into recovery. Plz feel free to PM me about your issues, bc i have been there and know how it hurts...
As far as ur wife, you may want to look into finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area. Al-Anon is a group for friends and families of alcoholics. The group helps you to learn more about the disease and how to deal w/ it in your home. It also helps you by giving you a strong support system to lean on. If u just google Al-Anon, u'll find a good meeting place. You also may want to pick up a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous to help u to learn about the disease. I'm sure u can find it at any half priced book store and they aren't expensive.
I currently live in an alcoholic home w/ 4 of them not currently in recovery, and I know how hard it can get to deal w/ it. Sometimes I just need to step out of the house just to get away from their sickness.
REALLY, I have been in ur hurt and can offer advice, support, or just an ear to listen to what u are going thru. This forum is a great place to vent or just ask questions, I have found, and we are all in this fight together!
Sarah
God Bless u!

[SandyRI]

Hi Robert,

I can totally understand where you are coming from. My background is a bit different - I have a caring, loving husband and 2 teenagers (who are a pain in the butt but basically very good kids). But I have started thinking of suicide often also. Like so many others, I have RSD because of multiple doc errors. But my attorney claims there is no malpractice case. (In RI you never know if that is really the truth, or if the attorney and your doctor are golf partners...) As my disease progresses, if (when?) I am unable to work, my family is going to loose my income and their health insurance coverage (I am WC - the amount they pay is not nearly enough to cover what I now provide). I am tired of fighting WC for everything that I deserve- the meds, the PT, the docs, the procedures, etc. Plus my head hurts most of the time. If there is no way to sue the people who did this to me, I don't know how my family will replace the income and related benefits that I expected to make over the next 20 years.

I am starting to conclude that I am better off dead. My life insurance will at least take care of my family's needs so they will be afford health insurance, pay for our home, and my kids can still go to college. It's too bad that this is what it comes down to. But imagine how happy my WC adjuster will be!! This is what they aspire to - make them nuts enough so they go away for good!!

[CRPSbe]

Originally Posted by SandyRI

I am tired of fighting WC for everything that I deserve- the meds, the PT, the docs, the procedures, etc. Plus my head hurts most of the time. If there is no way to sue the people who did this to me, I don't know how my family will replace the income and related benefits that I expected to make over the next 20 years.

I am starting to conclude that I am better off dead. My life insurance will at least take care of my family's needs so they will be afford health insurance, pay for our home, and my kids can still go to college. I just have to make it look like an accident....which is easy since I walk in the city most days where people drive like maniacs.

It's too bad that this is what it comes down to. But imagine how happy my WC adjuster will be!! This is what they aspire to - make them nuts enough so they go away for good!!

I know the feeling well, OTOH you have RSD, a condition that's not well understood, and there's a fight to be fought right there - a tough tough tough fight, and then OTOH there's WC, draining you of the last bit of energy that you've got.

I understand, and I know what it's like when the system practically throws you into the gutter to fend for yourself or actually to die, like they did with invalids and cripples in the Middle Ages. Things haven't improved much, have they?

The second paragraph, though, reading that... it really has me worried. I was hoping that it was just rational thought, you putting things in perspective, having a rant, and not true impulsive feelings of wanting to *really* commit suicide. But all this talk of just having to make it look like an accident has me panicking over here.

Please go talk to someone, please, because I think you've gone past thinking about this and are actually really planning this.

Don't forget that many of us are in the exact same boat you are in. We need more people to fight the system, people who won't give up no matter what. How else are we gonna make that difference for generations to come? We can't give up, and I do mean WE because a lot of us are fighting the system one way or the other!

[Jomar]

I second CRPSbe thoughts....

Sandy, please call a hot line - anonymously if you don't want to give your name.

Phone numbers-

1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

Deaf Hotline for TTY users -
1-800-799-4TTY
1-800-799-4889

Teen Hotline-
1-888-747-TEEN
1-888-747-8336


Canadian numbers are listed by Province on this site-
http://suicidehotlines.com/canada.html

Other International hotlines are listed by country on this site-
http://suicidehotlines.com/international.html


Websites-

http://suicidehotlines.com/

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

Coping with a Crisis

If you need immediate help or if you are having thoughts of death or suicide, call
1-800-273-TALK or if you need immediate assistance call 911
or go to a hospital emergency room.]

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread4982.html

above info from our Survivors of Suicide {SOS} forum sticky thread

and
the SOS forum link - if anyone ever needs to talk about it these members would love to help.
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forum29.html


*with a wc case/claim I would be very careful about too much info posted , I wouldn't be surprised if they do searches by name, age and locale* IMO

[daniella]

I am so sorry everyone is in this place mentally and physically. I know when my pain gets so high and for so long it is hard to hold to hope but we have to. For me I focus on my mom who is my strength and hope and it helps me get through. If I feel I can't make it I reach out to her or I self talk to just hold on a little longer and then usually a break will come. I recently went back to a psych after dealing with this for 2 years as my mental state was going down hill. I really was not so excited about this at first but I have to say it is helping. Of course when I have a bad pain day some hopeless feelings come in but I seem to battle them in a better fashion. Please reach out like others have stated and remind yourself of the people who care and love you and also the people who do get to a better place pain and life wise with the proper treatment. One last note and I am sorry this is long but for me I am trying to take one day or even one hour at a time. Many thoughts and better wishes

[rsdrobert]

Originally Posted by SandyRI

Hi Robert,

I can totally understand where you are coming from. My background is a bit different - I have a caring, loving husband and 2 teenagers (who are a pain in the butt but basically very good kids). But I have started thinking of suicide often also. Like so many others, I have RSD because of multiple doc errors. But my attorney claims there is no malpractice case. (In RI you never know if that is really the truth, or if the attorney and your doctor are golf partners...) As my disease progresses, if (when?) I am unable to work, my family is going to loose my income and their health insurance coverage (I am WC - the amount they pay is not nearly enough to cover what I now provide). I am tired of fighting WC for everything that I deserve- the meds, the PT, the docs, the procedures, etc. Plus my head hurts most of the time. If there is no way to sue the people who did this to me, I don't know how my family will replace the income and related benefits that I expected to make over the next 20 years.

I am starting to conclude that I am better off dead. My life insurance will at least take care of my family's needs so they will be afford health insurance, pay for our home, and my kids can still go to college. I just have to make it look like an accident....which is easy since I walk in the city most days where people drive like maniacs.

It's too bad that this is what it comes down to. But imagine how happy my WC adjuster will be!! This is what they aspire to - make them nuts enough so they go away for good!!

Sandy, I've read your reply a bunch of times. I honestly just whiped away a tear from my right eye just now. Please, don't give up. repeat: please dont don't give up.

I know the constant pain and struggles of everyday rsd life makes us all have extremely weak times. When I wrote this message, I was so tired. it had been 4 days and nights since I had last slept. If i had been in my right-mind, I never would have introduced myself like I did.

As I've already written, I found this site while looking up RSD and suicide, but I left out the most important part. I was looking for ideas and things that others with rsd might do to stop thinking about suicide.

My stepsister took her own life 5 years ago...almost 6. She had liver failure and other related medical problems due to her drinking and drug addiction. I saw what her giving up did to everyone around her.

Personally, I see a psychologist every two weeks. She tells me that I am too smart to give up. I appreciate her building up the way I feel about myself, but honestly, she doesn't know what heck I live through each day.

I did get a little sleep twice today finally. I'm still not thinking right, but a little better.