Kitty,

I forgot to mention that it is not likely that an antidepressant will cause suicide. What tends to happen is that the newer antidepressants that are SSRI's improve the lack of energy before they improve the mood so people then have the energy to act on the feelings of suicide that they already had before the med. In this light, you can know what is up and know that the medsd are really working and to hang in for another week or so and you will feel better.

Free Kittens

Hello Kitty...
First I want to say that you are NOT alone!!!
I am writing to you as a fellow RSD patient who also has mental health problems.

I have had RSD for approximately 8ish years... it starting in my foot and within a year it spread full body, head to toe, including internal organ involvement. It has also spread to my eyes causing severe burning, stabbing pain, watery eyes. Mouth and throat...can't eat or drink anything colder or hotter than room temperature---imagine a zillion of razor blades cutting and sliding as they go down.

It's a daily battle for me to stay alive. Suicide is a constant companion and has been for years. I have Bipolar, PTSD, Severe Depression, and other mental health diagnosis.


I hope you don't mind but just so you know you are not alone in your symptoms, I will address your symptoms below and let you know which ones of yours also match mine.

Please note on a side note.... No two RSD patients are the same, None of us have the exact same symptoms and no medicines treat us the same.

Does anyone know if social services have the right to take my son away because of my depression, despair, and sadness? Or should I go into hiding with my son? I will never, ever let anyone take my son away from me.

When a child is taken away from his mother, how is it done? By cops? What if the mother does not let go of her child? What happens?

Hi Kitty,

Oh just let me get started about social services/Child Protective Services (CPS)

First, I have my masters in social work and practiced for 20 years and know the CPS system, well at least what by law it ought to be.

I don't know how CPS works in Polynesia.

I did have my child taken from me. Thankfully she is back but it took over 3 years. There had been no charges against me, no allegations of abuse, nothing. She was removed by CPS from her father who was sexually abusing her. Silly me, I was honest with the workers, told them I had depression and had attempted but had been in treatment since. They refused to place her with me because there was a vacated order of protection that the X was granted when I was in the hospital. The order did not list any other reason for there to be a suspicion that I would harm my child, only that I had attempted suicide. The order was vacated! They placed her in 5 foster homes. Father just lawyered up and after not complying with CPS and not having had any contact with her for nearly 2 years, the judge dismissed the case and told CPS they had 2 hours to produce the child and return to the father. He of course hid her from me and it took another 6 weeks to get visitation ordered. He was still abusing her but now she was verbal, she told me I took her to the ER and she told them. She was removed again and placed with my parents. I had to leave the house (I live with them) and then prove that I had left (give a motel receipt). Again, they asked me to get a note from my shrink saying that I was stable and able to care for my child, which I did, then they placed her with me. She was still a ward of the state and I was not her gaurdian. This went on for another almost 2 years. We were waiting for trial of the father and the judge to place her permenently with me. We never did go to trial, he plea bargained letting me have full custody and he has no contact. Imagine that! After all that time, they wouldn't place her with me but they let the plea bargain of a pervert decide to give her to me.

OK, enough of that, sorry, it just gets me stirred up and there is so much craziness about CPS that I haven't even mentioned.

So, yes they can take your child in the US. They will do it with police back up. However, in the US if you never let them in your house and they have no access to your child, such as when the child visits the other parent or goes to school (yes they interview your kid at school without your knowledge or consent) they can't come up with a case against you. If they show up at the door, slam the door and call your lawyer.

I don't think you need to go into hiding. When I worked as a social worker, I assessed thousands of suicidal mothers and fathers. Never did I think that their kids were at risk. Never did I call CPS. Nor did any of my colleagues. Shrinks and all docs HATE calling CPS and unlikely to call you in because you are suicidal.Honestly, your safest move is to stay put and not let them in your house period.

Hope this helps
Free Kittens

"I have the feeling of icy cold running through my veins and arteries, like liquid nitrogen. Do you think I can, in that case, use ice packs? "

Listen to what your body says. You are your own best advocate. What works for some not so much for others.

" I will try your sock and rice technique. Do you know if the rice I put in the sock will get cooked or burned if I use this rice in the microwave several times, even if it is only for a couple of minutes? Or do I have to change rice after each use?"

Use it over and over, discard if it starts to smell.

""For inflammation try ginger tea, made with fresh grated ginger. If you don't like the taste try adding almond milk to it. Tames it down." Since I am not a good cook, do you know how much ginger and how much water I have to use? "

I use a tablespoon to 2 cups water and steep 5 minutes then strain.

"Do the amounts change with almond milk? By the way, is almond milk what is called soyabean's milk?"

No, use same amounts. Use any kind of milk you like, soy, almond, cow are all fine.

Also, when I journalled sometimes I spoke about my dreams of the future. When I had to let go of old dreams I did a sounding board of what my new dreams could be. I drew pictures and cartoons to try to make sad sound funny. Office products sections usually sell small safes that you could put your journals in for about $30. You can also document your meds there and record types of tests, dates, where it was done, etc. I used mine to record Starbucks locations when my Mom died. Little things seem to help.

I come here because I have that depression too. I do not tell many how I feel eithor, for fear they would think me crazy. Find a reason, any little thing that brings joy. I listen to Joe Bonommassa a blues artist, it drowns out my sorrowand helps some. Full blast when I can. Keep here with these good people. They have given me lots of good reasons to stick around, even if I can't see them at this moment. I think people do get to that place in life where life is just plain hard. It takes courage to be here to admit the sorrow that you feel. This pain you live with isn't something to shrug off, or to treat you bad over. Shame on a medical system that makes people feel bad over the medicines they need. I am horrified on how much power these doctors have over us. When we hurt, we are in such a vunerable state and so scared. I sometimes wonder where compassion is with some doctors. I hear stories here like yours, and I wonder what kind of people are in those positions. They are going to get sick someday too. Do they want to be treated like that? Find a different Psych if you can. I have a personal friend who is my psych even though he really isn't suppose to council me he does. We've been friends for 35 years. I hope you can find a best buddy here in this forum to help you through the ruff spots. I returned to try to find some of the same. Take care, I keep this forum in my prayers, ginnie

Hello Kitty

I am so sorry that your pain has been so severe that it has left you feeling vulnerable, isolated and by the sounds of it desperate.

Pain is a savage curse in that it limits us as human beings and reduces us to children [in that it renders us helpless]

Many moons ago i attempted suicide on the back of considerable back pain[ i fell from a roof and crushed two discs in my back]

because i was only in hospital two days and managed to walk around i left...i was told in time it would settle down and the pain would dissipate.

5 years after the injury the depression set in..mainly because no one believed i could fall, injure my spine and not have been in hospital long term...[even doctors ]

my GP for years never even wrote or contacted the hospital [300 miles away where my injury took place to clarify the original diagnosis]


long story short ......suicide entered my head....and only after the event.......was i given a full spinal scan..................[one year later] which identified four dodgy discs not two...which meant other things were going on degeneratively

I had facet joint injections that helped for many years only in the last three months have i started to suffer again.....but it is mind numbing i know.


there are as Barbo said many anti-depressants out their...and a good Dr will eliminate those that can enhance a mind already experiencing suicidal ideology [yes they do exist Free Kittens ...i was on Prozac 19 years ago when i tried....i did not give me the energy to do it it gave me more anger /resentment and sent me into a World of my own filled with paranoia and such anger]


Talking is a great pain relief and although it too has side effects i am convinced they cant kill you........


sending you positive thoughts

David

David, I cherish your posts so I am so glad you did not succeed.

I had a friend who was on Prosac and sadly he just drifted away. The Prosac gave him insomnia and long term of that changed his personality. I hope he is doing well.

Kitty, I hope you are forging ahead. Let us know.

I have Complex Regional Pain Syndrome from 2 knee surgeries. I also have fibromyalgia and I am bipolar. So, I do understand your pain and feeling like no one cares or is willing to help. But, unlike the other beautiful and sweet people that have replied to you on here, I have tried to commit suicide, twice. Please know this Kitty- NOTHING in this world is bad enough to give you a reason to kill yourself. I understand you completely. I hope this post finds you in better spirits. But if you are still in that bad, dark, ugly, place in your mind, please, please, send me a private reply and I will give you my phone. # and I will talk to you anytime day or night. Sending you happy , peacefull, beautiful thoughts. Try to be kind to youself sweetie and know in your heart and soul that someone else understands.

Hi, Free Kittens:

I have not replied quickly to all the messages because I still refuse the fact that I have full body RSD. This is really depressing. I just HATE this monster that destroys so many lives! I was also afraid of being considered a nut case because of the feelings I have toward myself and my RSD. Besides that, I have very low or no self esteem at all, so I was thinking I am not worth anyone's friendship and caring.

Quote: "Do not make any attempts, I lost my children because of it. I had no other mental health history but they took her anyway." In the U.S., I was moving every three months to avoid being found by CPS. I even gave a fake address to the hospital or medical centers I went to so CPS could not find my baby and steal him. I signed a DPA (Delegation of Parental Authority) for my police officer boyfriend in case something should happen to me, so my baby would be with someone he knows and loves, instead of being with strangers that might abuse him. Now, my baby and I had to flee the U.S. to avoid CPS even though we love this country. My baby and I are very homesick. There is not a single day when I do not dream about the U.S. I miss the U.S.!

Quote: "First, how is your pain level?" My pain level is quite low, thanks to my Duragesic (fentanyl) patches, to my MSIR (morphine sulfate immediate release) capsules, and to my Tambocor (flecaïnide) capsules. The problems are the icy cold feelings and the insect feelings I have in my blood vessels. For these two feelings, I am using Inderal (propranolol) tablets. I can only hope this medication will work; otherwise, I will go crazy with these two feelings. I also take Keppra (levetiracetam) tablets, Klonopin (clonazepam) tablets, and Relpax (eletriptan) tablets. I would like to have some sleeping pills, but my primary care doctor will likely refuse to prescribe them for me.

I used to be interested in writing a journal, but I am afraid my parents would find it and read it, even though they do not have my permission. Even if I had a locked journal, my parents could break in, just like thieves break in a locked house.

Quote: "I thought that my children would be better off if I died." This is also what I thought because I considered myself a bad mother. My baby often says: "Mommy, booboo, baby, booboo."

Thank you very much for your kindness, understanding, and help. I can tell you are a wonderful person, so I hope CPS social workers will open their eyes and give you back your children, so they can have a happy life with you.

Hi, Free Kittens:

I tried different antidepressants, such as amitriptyline, venlafaxine, and others I do not remember, but they did not seem to help me at all. I was thinking: "How could an anti-depressant help a person when that person's problems are still there? The anti-depressant will not erase these problems."

When I am sad and want to cry, I hold on to my childhood pillow or I pet some of the cats that live in the house. When I talk to my cats and they are meowing back, I have the feeling they are replying to me and this makes me smile.