Jen
quote from Alffe 'We will always listen Jenn, I hope you will'

These are wise words Jen please hear the message.

When you get overwhelming feelings of impending doom, desperation, sadness, despair................don't hang around waiting for any doctor to call you back............get your self to the ER as soon as possible......don't think to collect things or hesitate thinking i will wait ten more mins for someone to respond to my cry for help..............take yourself straight to hospital....tell them when you arrive you feel suicidal...........it does not matter if you do it every day for a week.............what it will do is raise enough concern from the medical staff that you need assistance.......it may mean a stay in hospital...........if thats whats needed............do it............if a medication change is required..........take it..............
Jen by entering this forum you reached out to many souls...........many are now responding to your...........anguish...............hold tight to these hands of help...don't let go of them..............in time you will understand your feelings are through deeper rooted depression.............and with the right treatment, med, hospitalisation, therapy...or whatever that may be .........this time will pass.......i promise you..........but you must be willing to help yourself rid these damn awful thoughts from your mind..........and thats where medical intervention is vital to your well being...........

at the moment life is a toil, an effort, a nightmare..............but it can be altered, changed,improved...........................tomorro w is another day.........and yes there is light at the end of the tunnel..............i know for a fact.....i find it every day.


David

Thanks for that, my night was hell, and so far is my day. I am just so fed up with it all.
As for me, I am 29 soon to be 30 on the 22nd. I like to be with my friends, well, at least try and be with them. I am dissociating a lot lately. I am totally not myself, and it's hard to be around people. My good friend is graduating college on Friday and I am going to go. I am scared that there are going to be so many people there that am going to panic, or something bad is going to happen. I don't want to dissapoint her, but I don't know how I am going to make it through. I don't have anyone to go with, so maybe will try and just go and be. I know that she is counting on me, and that kinda sucks too. I want to die so bad, I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't count on myself for anything anymore.

How about music, or prayer, to help you through? Do you have something small that means something special to you? Maybe you can take it with you to the graduation, and it will help you, if you start to feel panicky..... Be careful, and try to take care of yourself. Find something, somewhere, that will make you smile.

Jen, lower your expectations..Try to remember that the black hole you are in has sides...we are there, wanting to hold you up. And you can do this...nothing succeeds like success. Be a survivor..not a victim.

((Jen)) I am glad you found your way here As you can already tell from all the loving supportive post, this is a great group of people

I am truly sorry to hear of the pain and hopelessness you are feeling. Many of us here also know about anxiety and how difficult it can be to deal with. I am very glad you decided to meet with your therapist and will pray she is able to help you find some peace.

I was reading about how much you love and miss your grandmother.....Brought tears to my eyes. You also said, you didn't think she wants you to suffer, and that she would want you to find peace..... ((Jen)) I am sure these things are very true... But, I do not believe she would want you to find your peace through suicide.

I think it would bring more joy to her heart, and yours, if you could find a way to live in this world with love for YOURSELF. It made me so sad reading about how you feel you are not worthy, that you hate yourself..... You said you had to find a way to fix that.... how can I/we help you do that? You ARE worthy and I dare to venture you have family and friends who love you greatly.

Like ((Alffe)) I also lost someone I greatly love to suicide. My Dad took his life last year. It hurts as nothing ever has. It hurt so badly I wanted to die so I could be with him. Suicide isn't the answer. All it does is spread the pain to those left behind.

This might seems harsh, but it is NOT meant to hurt you, only to make you try to think from another view point Think about how much you miss your grandmother... then try to think about ALL the people who love you. Your family who may not always understand you, but who I assure you, do love you greatly!!! Please, don't take yourself from them, don't make them miss you......

You have been fighting these thoughts for years. The strength and courage it took just to post here shows you are a survivor! Don't give up, keep searching for the tools and help you need to keep fighting. Keep reaching out ((Jen))... that is the answer. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Nikki

You have your whole life ahead of you,and things will get better. I'm sorry that you are going through a ruff time.

What I do is read the Psalms in the Bible,and things like that. It brings much comfort to me.

Take one step at a time. I thought that I was the only person in the world who had these phobias,dreads,and depression. I had a hard time getting help at first.

Did you see that movie,"What about Bob"? When I saw that movie I realized that I truly wasn't the only one with phobias. Two people where taking in the movie,and Bill Murray said I have that too. Anyway I felt better after I saw that movie.

There is also a National Phobia Society. There's ton's of information out there now.

My family is not very friendly to me either. They don't understand,and they give up. The thing is you probably inherited the phobia trait from your dad's side of the family,or your mothers. It may go back several generations.

Remember. One day at a time. BF

((Jen))

((Jen)) Wondering how your doctor appointment went today and how you are feeling.... know that we care and we are here for you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

JEN29

TALK
David

((Jen)) Thinking of you When you can, please check in