[Soccergal]

This hits me on a pretty regular basis. Just freak'n worried. I am currently on disability insurance that run out in May. I am only able to work 12 hours a week and to be honest, I do very little.

D day will most certainly come and I will have to choose a path. Realistically, I am not ready for working. I have moments of clarity and can access my intelligence, but then whoosh, it's gone. Push just a little bit for a couple of days and I am super dizzy, disoriented, and trouble speaking. Everythink I do is in S l o w m o t I o n. Ha ha, look at my type-o, "everythink" is a better word anyhow, it makes more sense!

Im sure many of you feel like this. Fear of not improving, financial fear, fear of losss, etc, etc.

I was a hard worker who loved being a leader in my workplace, loved the work and the people. I was a very passionate soccer player who would give everything on the pitch. I played 90% of a game with a fractured and displaced tailbone! I loved being around friends. Life was full of hard work, fun and passion.

Who am I without all of this??? I lost my identity. Now, I need to create a new one. I think I need to resist accepting who I have been for the last 2.5 years. If I could just feel better, I could do more. Hhhmmmm. Ah well, just sharing and guessing some of you may relate.

If you read this far, thanks for letting me babble away.

By the way, I work very hard at staying positive and I truly believe that I will continue to improve, I just don't know if my career will give me the years I probably need to be a productive person again.

C'est la vie!

XSoccergal