Bobby It's not your fault. What it is,is a mystery. It came down the family tree somewhere. BF

thank you for that....my father was bipolar II and I think his father suffered from depression. on the other side one of my cousins is autistic and my cousin's son has aspberger's and my cousin said he has it and my uncle, my mother's brother had it and i have another cousin who at times is homeless and lives on the west coast somewhere....I think he went to Penn too and his sister is a social worker -go figure. Another cousin was chief speech writer to Clinton!
Bobby

everybody liked my uncle ....he really was a good man...so humble and never ever asked for anything. he also had fun. he loved the piano and he loved to ski and he had a ton of hobbies like collecting stamps and making wooden objects such as bowls. he really loved to listen to music...my friend in Israel,Suri called me yesterday and I told her about the fee for saying prayers for him here and how i feel guilty about having some subsity(sp) and she said she would arrange something in Israel. Her husband is a Rabbi. My uncle was an agnostic so I don't even know if he would get upset at the idea lol.
Bobby

thank you Bizi...i guess i am punishing myself but my emotions get out of control and I just don't seem at those times to have a way out. right now i am so scared about seeing the heart and lung doctor. I have sort of blocked out my inability to walk much and my fatigue. I am so scared what they will find. Last night a friend said my over eating big time is probably related to these doctors' visits. I gained about ten pounds in a month
Bobby

http://www.gurus.org/dougdeb/Courses...ner/BTmain.htm From Harold S. Kushner:
Quote:
to forgive the world for not being perfect, to forgive God for not making a better world, to reach out to the people around us, and to go on living despite it all." [page 147]

Harold Kushner triggered me by saying to forgive God for not making a better world....my immediate response was how dare that man write that.....maybe I am alone in my reaction but that got me so blasted angry. It is we that fail...God is perfection or beyond perfection...

I am so sorry that you had to go through an abusive husband......I find you to be a very caring, strong and confident and loving woman. He must have really been a piece of work. Thank goodness it is history. you have to keep on telling yourself it is history and it is just sort of like a post traumatic stress you experience with him now.....but it isn't real...just a former trauma..you are away from him. glory glory!
r. Phil also triggers me big time. You have a lot more wisdom in your little finger than Dr.Phil, what an egotist, has in his whole body......I was a psychologist when I was younger and knew so many know people like dr phil... all jerks who would just feed their fragile egos on others' misfortunes....
take care
bobby

good luck tomorrow at the cardiologist.
I will be thinking about you.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

My mother's side of the family has it. I found out a couple of years ago that one of my cousins has panic attacks. It was kept quiet for many years. My other cousin has mental health issues to.

She found relatives in the family tree as far back as in the 1800's with "Nervous" problems. They didn't know anything about Mental health problems in the 1800's. People didn't mention the word fear. I didn't talk about it at first.

I would be talking to someone,and have a quick panic attack,and my talking would suddenly stop. I would be looking at the expression on the face of the people who I would be talking to,and they would look alarmed,or shocked. That doesn't happen very often any more.

It's inherited. Everyone's individual personality makes it different,and complicated. Oh I hate this (These) mental health problems. These problems shift,so I can never figure out what it's going to do next. It's tormenting.

Then the Depression,and OCD throw me into a tail spin sometimes. I have been fighting the whole mixture for a long time,and I get so tired of it.

Hang in there. Thank goodness for the Lord,and the Bible. Thats what keeps me alive. BF

I hope that you are having a peaceful night. Do you have pets that can keep you company? I forgot. BF

Dear Steve, I am sorry that you have been suffering so long with these challenges. I guess alot of mental/emotional problems can be inherited just like physical problems...makes sense.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

i have two kitty cats that keep me company. I also have a bipolar friend who i speak to at least once a day who really helps me in not feeling so isolated.
we help each other. we are going to try to work on a mammoth problem of hers which haunts her a few hours a day. i hope i can help her. i think i can now that i understand it more. it is going to take a lot of talking. I forgot if you are on klonopin or not. I am on two m. and that really helps with panic. i still can't get the mail by myself.
i went to the cardiologist yesterday. i got his name through the internet by looking up best doctors in new york and new york magazine puts out a list and he was on my health plan. Now i need to go for an echocardiagram and a stress test. then i have to see a pulmonary doctor. ugh
bobby I can't tell you how exhausted i feel