What do YOU do when there is really Nothing you WANT to do??

BaxterTheBunny · 05-21-2008, 11:39 AM

Wow Wiix. I read your post and thought I had typed it!

I am the youngest of 5 kids. I too have always felt I was in the wrong family. My mother got pregnant with me by mistake. (I was born 9 years after the 4th child) So my mother never bonded with me. My oldest sister was 11 when I was born and she pretty much took care of me. She even tells me she feels she's my mom.

I was on Avonex for 4 years. It lowered my WBC and weakened my immune system to the point that if I was around anyone sick I would catch it. So I totally understand having to isolate yourself because of your immune system.

I had been going to church since 1989. The last church I attended for over 3 years. I served in various forms, prepared meals for sick ppl, catered the womens conference, etc. Then one time I was having to have a steriod treatment b/c I had been sick all winter from the weakened immune system. DH told several women in the church I would be having the treatment and asked if they'd call and check on me. The steriods are very hard on my body. I lay on the couch all week. No one called. The following week I was feeling better. Then someone did call....to ask me to prepare a meal for someone in the church who was sick. I told the woman I wasn't feeling so well myself.

I haven't been back to church since. I went off the Avonex and for the past two years haven't had a cold since.

Unfortunately I live next door to a nut job who came into my backyard a couple months ago and attacked me.

I had an MS attack because of it. (I can't prove it was b/c of the attack, but I KNOW it was)

Had MRIs done and my MS doctor called and wants me back on meds.

It makes me so angry to think I was doing so well and b/c of this nut job I have to decide if I can endure going back on meds.

I don't have the strength to save the world. I don't even have the strength to save me most of the time. If I'm able to keep up w/ the housework I feel like I've accomplished something. But then I wonder, this is what my life is for?....housework?

I too love to sit outside and watch the birds and animals. I have a bunny too that lives in my yard.

I try to be grateful I have a roof over my head and food to eat.

I too have realized I wasn't living in reality. That I thought my life was one way, but the last few months I've realized how my life really is...and how some of my relationships really are. Next week I'll be married 13 years. I'm seeing my DH and our relationship in a whole new 'light'. It's been very...sobering.

I get my social interaction via the internet (emails, forums) or by phone. Right now at least that's all my strength will allow.

If you were a healthy person my advice would be to get out and find some kind of interaction with others.

But what can you do when you're not a healthy, normal person and you can't interact with others normally? Maybe hearing a voice would help. Maybe getting some phone numbers of people you chat with online and talking on the phone with them would help some.

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. And you definitely aren't alone

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