Tracy,
You and hubby need to come up with some "ground rules", and since he's working, you'll probably need to do it.

Things like:
No name calling.
Can't be positive, be elsewhere.
Bring positive to the table.
Could be a day, like tomorrow, that he drops of a heart attack, and NEEDS YOU! (not wishing that).

But, you see what I'm saying, some Rules that you Both Agree to!

)I cannot believe you see a psych, and this hasn't been suggested< you may need to find a new one)..

Anyway, As a man, I can easily see, that your husband is scared to death! It's not hate, or anything more evil that AFRAID!

Do what someone else suggested, find ways to lighten the load on the medicine bill. Ask you doctor for samples, and generics!
Talk to your doc about what expensive drugs you Don't really need! (Docs are taught, through advertising, to prescribe the newest, most expensive drugs on the market). Perhaps you don't need all that?

And, when you do some 'positive" things to take some stress off of hubby, show him, in a kind way.

Here's a tough one.
Do you realize that he's afraid? Do you give HIM a hug, now and again?
You can't be the constant needy one, without giving back some sugar! (Men "Run" off of "Sugar and Spice)!
Don't forget that.

You have a daughter, I didn't catch how old. But, please, don't make her home a "war zone".
That's selfish on both your parts.


Finally, I KNOW how much you hurt!
If your husband ever wants to talk to a man, who has all this crp wrong, I'd be glad to talk to him.
Sometimes we feel like, we're gettin' so low.
That, no place is home. And, Home is Hell.
That doesn't work for anyone.

The two of you, need to come together, and make your home truly comfortable, for your DAUGHTER!

I'm telling you this from experience, and my two children. They're strong, but were raised in a "BattleZone".

All you can do, is your best, everyday. Then, kiss the rest off to God.
Your psych doctor sounds like a lightweight, and, your regular doc, could be doing better on making your script bill lighter. IMHO.

Check it out?

Nobody can do this for you, is the sad news.
The good news is, You've got to do this for yourself, and your family!


Hugs,
Pete
ASB

First I want to thank all of you for responding. All it seems is that I have you who all understand what I am going through and words can't say enough for what you all do.
I have tried to give to my hubby.I have ALWAYS tried to make sure my hubby and my daughter get what they need first. I try to get my hubby to understand what I am going through without arguing with him, but before I get a chance to finish what I want to say he always flies off the handle. I then try to tell him I don't want to fight so please just listen to what I have to say. By that time his blood pressure is so high its like what i say goes in one ear and out the other. So I just tell him we can talk about it later when you calm down. He fully insists continuing the discussion that I don't want to do. He then gets me to crying so hard that I am hyper ventilating. My daughter which is 13 yrs old tries to get us to to stop fighting and all my husband does is turn and yell at her and then that upsets me more because I am also in the process of trying to help her get better. For a long time her and I didn't get along. she would always be happy at one point and then when something didn't go her way she would be a completely different person.Like she would hold a knife up to neck and say she wanted to die and she would throw things at me. I couldn't deal with that any longer and I took her to see a counselor whether she wanted to go or not. She sees him once a week and she also sees a psychologist(one who can prescribe meds if needed) once a month. He put her on 20mgs of prozac and diagnosed her with a personality dysfunction. So I am trying so hard to make peace for her as well as myself. Don't get me wrong my hubby isn't always a jerk, but here lately he is really horrible. I haven't seen him like this in a long time.So not only am I trying to keep the peace for myself but for my daughter as well. Here lately she has been so understanding with me and is helping out as much as she can. If I try to pick something up that is to heavy for me she will say mom put that back down. You are not suppose to pick that up. Let me do it. I really think she is coming around since she has been on the meds. I know that sounds horrible, but she has not had any of the horrible outbursts since she has been on the meds 3 months ago. I try to compliment her whenever I can as well as my husband. I will always notice what seems like the small things to my family and praise them or thank them for what they have done and they always say it was nothing not a big deal.I always tell them that it is a big deal to me and leave it at that. So see I do try really hard to make it work for the family, but with my hubby it just doesn't seem like it matters. He is constantly trying to fight with me or my daughter. I don't like that. I just don't know for sure how to fix everything. He always looks in the past and reminds me of what happened, but he does say that it is the companies fault for not listening to me, and he always tells me that he has to look into the future but no reason why. I try to tell him that the past is the past and we can't change what happened. I am just stuck with what I have.And the future is the future whatever it may be. We can not predict the future so why can't we just live in the here and now. That is all we have cause we don't know if we are going to wake up tomorrow. Am I doing something wrong? I try so hard but no matter what I do it just seems like it doesn't matter. My daughter supports me but she has her own problems to deal with so I don't try to talk to her about my problem much. She has just trying to deal with being a teen right now she don't need any other burdens. I love her so much that there isn't anything in this world I wouldn't do for her. I just have to figure out how to deal with my problems and keep my mouth shut to my hubby I guess. If he talks then I will talk other wise I guess it will be quiet. I don't know what else to do. I want to be able to go help him outside like I use to but I can't now and that is very disturbing to me. I would like to work but I don't think i can with what i am dealing with right now. So I am no good I guess. I am a completely different person than who married my husband all those years ago. Maybe he resents me because I am not who I use to be. I don't know anymore. Like I said if I could get by with just giving up that is what i would do.
You all take care and hope to talk to you soon.

Sincerely yours,
Tracy

Tracy,
You've had a bunch of great ideas, there.
Carry on with them, and be patient.
Give it time.

Your daughter is going to do what you do, not what you say.

So, be kind and gentle, and this peacefulness will roll over into your own health.
You'll feel better.
Stop blaming yourself.

You sound as if you have a pretty good plan, and it might just take some time.

You're in our prayers!

Pete
asb

Hi first I am sorry and I hope family life gets better soon. A few thoughts since money is an issue do you think you could find a support group for rsd in your area? I ask because they have families usually come and it may help your husband get educated. I understand how our pain takes a toll on the whole family BUT the family around us also needs to learn to cope and deal with us and themselves in a good manner. I encourage you to keep using your voice and try to have open communication with how you feel when your husband treats you this way. It sounds like your husband though has some mood issues. I don't mean to be rude but just how you stated how he yells at your daughter. If you can afford therapy many will work on a sliding scale and family therapy may be good for all of you.A side not I have insurance but it covers no meds anyhow like you this gets very expensive. Some companies though your provider can fill out a form to and you can get free meds and also don't forget about samples. Costco is way cheaper for meds then like CVS too. I understand how trapping this whole situation is. I depend on family for finances as well. I often feel trapped with issues around that and I always feel trapped in my physical pain. If that makes any sense. Hope you are feeling better

Thank you again for all your responses. I am trying to keep my head up but sometimes is very hard as you all know. Sorry to say that there is no support group that I am aware of in my area to help me through. In fact most people are confused when they ask me what happen and I respond to them that I have rsd. Nobody seems to know what it is in my area. Heck even most doctors don't know. All i can say is I am trying very hard to keep my chin up. But somedays it is to difficult to even think about any good. Well thanks again and hope everything is going good for you all. Take care and hope to talk to you soon.

Sincerely,
Tracy

Tracy, Whatever you do dont give up. I just cant believe how much you have going on in your home. Its alot for a healthy person to deal with. We all change & unfortunatly you did not ask for this change. But it doesnt give your husband the right to treat you with disrepect. You are a strong women to have dealt with it this long. I hope the letter helps. If not you will have gotten your feelings on paper & he will have at least known how you felt. With all the good changes in your precious daughter & all the help she has been to you why not write her one too. Something positive she can carry with her the rest of her life. So she knows how important she is to you. It will proabably become one of her prized posessions. I really hope things get better. I am so sorry your husband can be so cruel. I hope you find the soft spot in his heart & reawaken it. Wish I was there to do this in person.
Hugs, Denny

PS I dont pray alot but I will say a prayer for you. I hope thats okay.

Hi Denny,
I can't thank you enough for being there for me and trying so hard to help me when I am sure you are struggling with your own issues as well. You have been so wonderful to me. I consider you a friend that everyone should have in there life. There isn't to many of those out there. I really do appreciate all your responses. I will also try writing a letter to my daughter. I really appreciate everything you have done for me. You are a wonderful person and God bless you for coming into my life. Thank you.

Love and Hugs,
Tracy

Hi Tracy,
everyone else seems to have given great replies regarding your relationship so I won't even try.
But for a walker...try Ebay, Craigslist and the like. There are tons of listings both new and used. I've had to go from crutches to my wheelchair and can fully understand how much help mobility aids can be.
Good Luck! Hang tough

Tracy, Thank you so much for the compliments you have no idea how much it meant to me & how much I needed it right now. How you could have known that I don't know. It was so much my pleasure to try & help you I just hope it does. I am here for you if I can do anything. I can always use another friend. I hope you have a good day & I am holding your hand from here.
Hugs, Denny

Hey Tracy.

I am an Oldie that pops out of the wood work every now and then when I think that I have some knowledge that might help someone.

You have been given lots of good advice on your family situation, so I dont reall have anything to say there that hasn't already been said. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things start to go easier for you, though.

What I do have something to contribute is about the problems with your crutch. It sounds to me like you are trying to use regular old curtches. like they give folks when they break their leg, or have to be non weight bearing? The kind that go up under your arms? Those things totally suck. I hate them, and I always wind up falling when using them. (oh..I have RSD in my right foot, leg, and lower back...have for about 11 years now...) Canes are "Ok" for getting around on SHORT walks (like around the house, or whatever), but NOT for long term...or for longer jaunts (like at the store and stuff). They aren't that good for your wrist. I started having pain and swelling in the wrist of the hand that I used my cane in...and my therapy guys told me that it was the cane causing it. The way that they explained it to me was that your wrist simply wasn't made to have to bear all of the weight that is put on it when using a cane. It is a kinda fragile area, they said. I DID NOT want to use a walker (I was only in my late 20's at the time...and had two young kids in school that I had to keep up with...and was a single mom to boot!), and I already knew that using those bit long crutches (like I think you are using...) or even one of them, was not a good thing either.

They told me to try using a Fore Arm Crutch. Those are the ones that you see people with, where they slip their hand through a cuff that is about mid fore arm high. There is a handle that is at about the smae height a can handle is. This type of crutch distributes they weight up and down the fore arm, and doesn't focus it all on the poor wrist. Also...they are VERY hard to drop, beins as they are attached to your arm with the cuff. In my experience, it is also harder to fall when using a fore arm crutch.

I only have to use one (I use it on my left arm, as you should use canes and things on the opposite side of the body from the problem leg....it helps with gait, which helps keep the back from gettig all out of wack and causing a whole other set of problems!...again, this is what I was told my my therapy guys and my pain doc), but did have to get the set of them. I just rotate them out every now and then. When I got mine, it was about $99 for the set, and you can et them with a perscription that Medicare will pay for (or other insurance). I read that you don't have insurance.....have you tried getting SSD and Mediare? If not, you might look into it. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to get my Social Security Disability, and the Medicare insurance that you get as a benefit too. I was young, so I had some trouble convincing SSD that I really WAS disabled...but I finally won.

Anyway...I just thought that you might be able to check into the fore arm crutch thing at some point. Or, at least keep it in mind.

Since money is so tight right now, and you noticed such a HUGE difference when you tried out the walker.....have you tried looking at your local thrift stores for used walkers? They are always in the 2 thrifs stores here in my small town...and I think that the MOST i have seen one priced at the thrift stor was for $15. That is a WHOLE lot better than the $140 for a new one! Sometimes, you can even find the ones that have the seat on them, too. So, you might want to try looking at any thrift stores, or even yard sales, that you have in your area. I get LOTS of things at thrift stores. You would be3 amazed at what all you can find in them.

Also...you might try checking if your area has a Freecycle group, and if so, join up. Freecycle is an online group (mine is on Yahoo groups), where people put stuff up for free instead of throwing it away, or taking it to the thrift stores. Check the rules for the different freecycle groups, as some will want you to put up "offers" (things that you are getting rid of) first...or at the same time, as you post a "Need" (or "want"...my group calls them either). There have been folks giving away walkers and wheelchairs on mine, along with all kinds of household items, clothing, furniture, yard care items, and just about everything else! Again, it couldn't hurt to check into it.

I hope that things start going better for you, sweetie.

((hugs))
Jose