[Friend2U]

I have been retired for two years now with disability due to MS. More than ever I am feeling so isolated and removed from my life that I knew for 25 years. I worked with the same "friends" for all that time. They were my second family and a lot of the time... just like part of my real family. I had no friends outside of these, there was no time for that.

I know they are all so busy...because I was amid the 'busy-ness' for all those years. But more than ever I feel them fading away. And it makes me cry. I guess it's inevitable, but it's THE WORST PART OF THIS MS C#@P.

I guess I'm just whining...or looking for hugs from those who might understand. Obviously... I'm in the mood for someone to feel sorry for me. I'm not like this very often. I am most usually a brave little trooper...

Thanks for listening!

[Lady]

F2U, I am listening and I agree with you. Anyone, male or female , sick or not, when they are used to being in the workforce for 25+ or more years they feel the emotional feelings that go with leaving or retiring, or going on disability.

I felt that way for years. I missed those I saw daily, worked with, and had great talks with. It comes back to us with a thud. I had friends in my neighborhood but I had to move, so there was a double loss of people I saw everyday.

So go ahead and whine, I'll bring the cheese. I am sure many will join in with the same feelings we share.

I do feel sad for you, and me too. So plenty of hugs to you my friend. You always have your friends on here. I have been out a few years longer than you but it still feels like yesterday when everything was *as usual*. Now it's not.

But just think out it. We know we can't go back and work. It is just too much for us. It can still make us think about it, when the memories come back.

Maybe try to make new friends in your area. Many people do. Or just sit outside and someone will come up to you and talk now that the weather is changing and more people are out and about.
{{{ hugs F2U }}}

[Friend2U]

I knew my dear friends here would understand. I think it is impossible for anyone not in our situation to really comprehend what we go through. I'm sure there are many others who were forced into disability retirement will feel the same.

I find myself not emailing my friends as much when they slow down....because...I figure they are so busy I don't want to bother them or make them feel they HAVE to take time out for me. This is part of the pity party.

I'm sad to know that it has been more years for you and still you are experiencing the same emptiness. I think, for me anyway, that I just feel I have left something (MY LIFE) so incomplete. As much as I try to shake this... I have not been successful yet. I find myself replaying over and over in my mind, the final few years of my career...the plans I had that won't ever come to life.

I'm trying so hard to rebuild my life. But it's just still not there yet. I was always so structured and organized and very successful in carrying out all my plans no matter how hard it got. I bulldozed my way through a lot of things the last several years of my career. I didn't know I had MS until a few months before a major attack that led to the diagnosis. This was followed by my neuro not releasing me to go back to work. And I KNOW he DID know what he was doing Because I really would not have made it.

I'll take that cheese now....
Thanks so much Lady!

[Kitty]

I understand, Friend2U. I wasn't employed as long as you were but I was at the same place for over 16 years. They were my 2nd family. I actually saw them more than my own family!

I get down about it too, sometimes, so you're definitely not alone.

I'm so glad we can come here and talk about these feelings and not be told to "buck up". It's okay to miss the way things were.

[Friend2U]

I know what you mean about spending more time with work family than your real family. I know we are actually very blessed to have worked with such great people who were also our friends. A couple of mine for sure were more like sisters. I'm sorry you still miss your friends too, but thankful for your understanding. 16 years is way more than enough to get attached!
I too am glad for friends on NT to talk to who understands.
Thank you!

[Koala77]

I know what you mean too.

I'm now on SSDI after a career of 40 years. I didn't stay in the same place all that time as I'd get itchy feet and move on, but the job was the same and because of that, all my work mates were rather similar. As Kitty so rightly pointed out, we tend to spend more time with our co-workers than we do with our own family!

Like you I rely on my computer now to keep in touch. I don't even go out for a coffee any more!

Thinking of you Friend2U, and sending you some hugs.

[barb02]

I a planning on retiring in two years (if I make it that long) and your posts all make me a bit nervous. My sister wants me to move to Austin to be near her (at least that is what she says, but I am unsure. I would love to be near her and see my niece grow up, but there are lots of negatives too -- finding all new doctors, cost of living, heat ... I have lived and taught here for 21 years and while I do not have a lot of friends ( have lost a few over the past few years), I do have a few close ones and lots of friendly colleagues. Oh well, I guess I have some time to figure this all out.

Friend - Are you able to get out? Are there any groups you could join (book groups, church volunteer organizations)?

[SallyC]

(((((F2U)))))..I hear you and understand. In my younger years, I fought the isolation tooth and nail, but when I discovered that my Friend's lives were all going on without me, I gave up (not without a lot of tears), and quit calling them. Guess what, they don't call me either.

Some Family and a couple of friends keep in touch and I with them, mostly thru e-mail. I'm not a phone person. Of course, my Children and Grands don't get off that easy...they are forced to visit me on a weekly basis.. I assume they want to..LOL

After relaxing and figuring out the truth (I like to be alone, most of the time), I'm quite content the way things are. I'm not alone, I have all of you to be with on a daily basis and I'd be willing to bet that some of you would either come running or send someone to help, if I needed you..

I remember this..."In order to have a Friend, you must be a Friend"....I guess, I just couldn't put all the effort it took, anymore.

I do feel for you, F2U, because I know how you feel. I hope that it will all work out, for you, as you wish.

[pud's friend]

life can throw lots of trash in your way. i hear ya...

but I was in work the other day (making the most of a good day and keeping myself to myself) when a colleague who I hadn't met before started talking to me. Before long, it came into the conversation that she had lost her son in an explosion right before her eyes.
Someone else piped up that she had lost her infant son when he climbed into a trailer and fell off when it started to move and was killed.
I recalled a colleague who had stomach pains and within a month was diagnosed with end stage stomach cancer and died within 4 months.

and I sat there counting my blessings. More people have had so much more to deal with than i ever have. My illness is inward, nobody sees it, nobody knows. and really nobody cares. Everyone has their own issues, unbeknown to me. I don't share anyone else's pain (apart from you lot sometimes). Why should they care about me?

and I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, because I'm rambling.

MS is sad, as are life changes. But we cope. and you will too. and we're here for you. Now Buck Up... (sorry, couldn't resist )

[wkikta]

I try to not live in the past, I do remember the good times, but do not regret the losses. My life has changed, for the better. Good friends from the past are still good friends and some of the new ones are pretty awesome.